"Change is never easy. You fight to hold on & you fight to let go"
I've thrown myself into so many new changes lately searching for some sort of new normal that I forget exactly what I am searching for. I run daily to de-stress & stay in shape although I hate running. I left the most amazing job ever to work Monday - Friday even though I promised myself I'd never be a normal working girl and I own the cutest house on the block that I share with my pups, although I never imagined this journey alone. So halfway through my mental breakdown a couple of weeks ago I realized how badly I wanted my old normal back. A normal that made me happy, kept me semi stress free & promised me a future that I couldn't wait to start. It was a also a normal that was taken so abruptly I still forget that it even happened. I haven't forgotten it really, I live it daily. I just often wonder why it was all taken from me. We pray for God to make these changes and to steer us onto the path that He has chosen for us, but emotionally I feel like I'm in a tornado. My devotional tells me daily to have faith, and to never lose hope, that everything happens in God's perfect timing. I'm just unsure where I fit into any of it. We wonder how long we have to walk blind in this storm until we find that ending we are searching for. As I sit here and write this my favorite song starts to play. I think it comes on at all the right times.
"Whatever you're facing
If your heart is breaking
There's a promise for the ones who just hold on
Lift up your eyes and see
The sun is rising."
I doubt daily. I cry often but pray continuously. Somedays are better than others and somedays down right suck. The more I push myself into something new the more every ounce of the rest of me wants to fight it. I hate change but my old normal is long gone. I just have to remind myself that something grander is on it's way and I need to thank God for all the blessings that I do have. No matter how bad our days might be, tomorrow will come and the sun will rise again.