Monday, February 28, 2011

nursing nonsense :: weeks seven & eight

 Sorry for the lack of posting. I just really haven't been in the mood to sit in front of the computer, which is very shocking, I know. I can get the internet just fine from my phone, and just haven't really been in much of a blogging mood lately. That is why there was no week seven. There was a week seven, I just didn't blog about it. So I'll sum it by saying, two very special people had two very different surgeries, and both are recovering wonderfully. Nothing major. I studied a lot, learned a lot, and spent some great time with great people. Insert awesome fortune here:

Now for week eight. I can't believe February has come and gone. For the second February running, big changes were made. Actually, the same thing that happened this February happened LAST February, and it wasn't my birthday. yikes. Although my birthday is this month.

Today, I had test NUMBER two, and preClinical day #456. Really, I have no idea. After a while, they all start running together. Everyone begins to look the same, sound the same, and have the same problems. Everything has become slightly fuzzy in nursing land. However, did you know that next week on WEEK nine, marks the HALFWAY point? I know I am looking ahead, I have to have something to look forward to. CRAZY. What was also crazy, the WIND today. Poor Tallulah did not like it what so ever.

I forgot to mention something very important that began my seventh week.
This just means I am one step closer.
that is all the bloggy fun now.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Chapter 37

I have my second test Monday. I am sitting here studying. I am highlighting, reading, making mental notes, re-reading, and getting pen marks all over my hand in the process. After all, I am a lefty, and everything smudges. This is the least of my worries. This is the last thing my over crowded brain is trying to sort through. I am always working my schedule around, well school. Working it around studying, planning to study, clinicals, the interview stream I still have yet schedule, must have practice tests, and one portfolio. So there isn't much working around anything. Right now, this is my schedule. This is my life for at least a few more months. Most days I have grown to accept the challenges, the sacrifices, the struggles. I have grown to take them in stride, one big step at a time. I have learned to accept them, and never regret them. I have learned that everything could be so much worse, so I have learned to be thankful.  However, we aren't taught exactly how to deal with all of this. We think we are, but we aren't. Maybe I am just speaking for me. Yes, I was taught we must work for what we need, it will not always be handed to us, and I was taught you may not always get what you want. I was taught to keep my head held high and to never give up. I was taught that I could do anything that I put my mind to, and I would always have the support right beside me. However, there isn't a class in elementary, middle, or high school that teaches us about heartache, suffering, and life in general. Those huge moments can only be taught by lessons learned, good or bad. I have had my share of all three. I know I have many more to learn. I am nervous, anxious, terrified, but excited. I hate the ideas that I often think of when I think about my future and how it hasn't fallen the way I had always dreamed. We want so bad for certain things to be right, when the whole time we forget to see how wrong it really is. We get lost in the comfortable. We get used to what has become of it all, and we lose what it actually should be. It should be right. We shouldn't have to justify, we should just know. I don't know. I know that somedays I wish I could be finished with school 2 months ago. However, that was never my option. I wanted it to be. I even wrote it in a few calendars, but it was never my plan. My plan is right now. My plan I am still trying to grasp. My plan I am still trying to decipher. And my plan I am still trying to carry out. So as I sit here and read this chapter in this book that I have read for the one millionth time (no exaggerations, we have used this same book for four semesters) I will continue to wonder, to dream, to cry, to pray. I will continue to sacrifice. I will continue on this journey. My journey. 

Friday, February 18, 2011

A blog about my birthday.

my birthday was on Wednesday, but I am just now getting around to blogging about the big day. I am very sorry for the delay, but it has been a rather busy week. I started the day off in school, whomp whomp whomp. It really wasn't that bad, and I was out by lunch. Just in time to pick up the niece from school, and head to the park. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY, and I can't wait until spring is finally here to stay.

Ryleigh, my niece, took this picture of me. Yes, she is only 2, but she is pretty smart, and LOVES TO TAKE PICTURES.
At the park, we enjoyed BIG SLIDES,
and even LITTLE slides,
flying "in the sky" on the swings,
and making silly french fry faces.
We had a blast. I am thankful I am able to share in special little moments like this all the time.
On Wednesday night, we ALL ate at OUTBACK.
 It is one of my most favorite.
My mom made these DELISH minnie mouse cupcakes. LOVE.
I was so grateful everyone got to come.
This is my brother Bill, my sister Jessica, me, and my brother Daniel.
Miss Ryleigh insisted she feed me my salad.
And I quote, "Sissy, I feed you."
Here are some pictures from the end of the night...
My dad and Michele
My mom and Kimbo
My brother Daniel and me
Jessica carrying Baby #2, Ryleigh, me, and Jeromy
and Bill (I am sorry his eyes are closed, they were closed in both pictures, and I really wanted a picture of everyone up here) Will, me and Melissa!!

Thank you again for all of the birthday wishes, and for my sweet family who came to dinner just to celebrate my birthday. You are all the best.
Love you much, and

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

the Grammys

Did you have a favorite performer? Well, mine was mrs KATY Perry. I love her new single, so I am sure that is why I am picking her. Have you heard the new single. Story of my life. Check it out here. It is called "Not like the Movies"

But really, my most favorite performance of the night went to another deserving winner. A beautiful little blonde who won over the hearts of millions with an old classic. See for yourself.

Nursing Nonsense :: Week Six

This week starts my VERY LAST long week, or I hope. It is another Monday-Sunday, kindof week.  You know, the one I had during week FOUR. But hey, I am already on week SIX, and I couldn't be more THANKFUL. I am happy, thrilled, ecstatic, you know, all the words to describe JOY. However, right now I am thankful to be one week away from last week. So today is week six. Today is clinical day x1, class days x2, and preceptor days x4, and birthday #24 thrown somewhere in the mix. That is right. I will be TWENTY FOUR. yikes. One year away from half of 50. But I know this will be a very good year.

Monday, February 14, 2011

A post about Valentine's day....

I THINK NOT. Although I did recieve a valentine in the mail from a fancy little blogger.

and my mom made me some of these...
So tell someone you love them.
Not just today, but

A weekend in photos...

I exchanged a purse that I liked a little, to one I liked a whole lot.
 Then used the difference to purchase my most favorite eye shadow.
Mulch by Mac.
 My brother and I ate at the Original Pancake House,
and he ordered these DELICIOUS chocolate chip pancakes
 And, I got these snazzy new kicks as an early birthday present thanks to my mama.
Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend full of LOVE.

Friday, February 11, 2011

well, maybe one more.

I had a moment of weakness today, so I sulked, I questioned, I regretted, but only for a minute. I quickly remembered what my blogger friends told me. I quickly remembered that the decision I made was for me, and I made it. I thought about it for weeks, and for months. It was very rational. It was very much for the best. Okay pity me party was over. Then I was thinking even more, because that's what I do. That is what I am taught in nursing school. The questions are always asking multiple of things. We must solve the first half before we can move to the next. And if we happen to get the first part wrong, we more than likely are heading in the wrong direction. Actually we will probably get the question wrong, because we weren't thinking properly, we took a wrong turn. It's okay. All of us nursing students do it. It doesn't make us bad almost nurses, just makes us better. Because we will do our best to never EVER make that wrong turn again, or answer that question wrong again. At least we hope not. However you must look at it, we are constant thinkers, and that my friends brings me to my present state of mind. See after my small pity party, I quickly remembered everything good that was soon to take place in my life. Those pros far weighed out any other thing I thought was important. In less than 2 months I will have a new nephew. I will watch the most beautiful 2 year old become the best big sister there is, and I will watch my sister and brother in law become a family of 4. I will see them become parents to 2 children, and watch their lives forever be changed once again. I will watch my aunt complete this battle with cancer, and overcome these obstacles. I will watch another great close childhood friend have her very first little boy. I will watch two of the sweetest people become the greatest parents, and watch as their lives become even more special. I will watch my niece turn THREE and my nephew turn TWO. I will celebrate the major milestones and I will be the proudest aunt EVER. I will be beyond thankful God chose me for all these things. I will be one step closer to graduation as each day passes, because the sun will set and rise each and everyday whether we are ready or not. Then, if I make it to graduation (because I am not going to jinx myself just yet), I will have so much more to look forward to. A new chapter will open, one that does not put school first, and one that involves one big world with millions of opportunities. There are endless possibilities. So I will allow myself one pity party for now, but I will pull up my big girl panties and take one step forward. My God has this under control

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

closing the chapter.

I wrote a few months back about some questions that weighed heavily on my heart. Here is most of that entry...

When is it time to throw in the towel?
When do you finally say, okay this is enough, I am finished?
When you walk away, never look back, and move on?

See, I think I am a pretty good giver of advice, but you know they always say, "it's easier said than done." So thank you to whoever said that, I suppose you just wanted to make life a little bit more difficult. So here I am, unable to follow through with my own advice, because I just don't know. It is that plain and simple. What to do? What to do? I have worked so hard for something, have recieved little in return, but some part of me can't throw in the towel. Why? Because life isn't that simple. Sure I am young, have tons of life to live, but I just don't know that for sure. I only have today. Shouldn't that make this all more simple? Why heck no. But more difficult? WELL YES. Because I am so scared of the unknown. Like, TERRIFIED.

I have no idea why. I could blame my past, my choices, my present, or anything for that matter. But there is no one to blame but myself. For not following through with what I believe, and losing myself, who I am deep down, in the process. Now that is pretty simple to follow. I have held on for so long that I can't remember why I chose that the first time. So when is time to throw in that towel? I still need an answer.

I think we are scared to make decisions because we don't know what our future holds. What if that was the best. What if we don't find anything like it ever again, and what if we lose it all? Now that, I am afraid of. That is something my heart just can't grasp, and that is why it is so hard to throw in this worn out towel.

The one thing I do know, is that I hate to question things. I just feel like if you question your decisions, then maybe they aren't the best ones for you. You should just know. Don't people just know? Or is that just in the movies? Surely not, surely when something is right, you just know. Whole heartedly its all you can think about, its the best decision, and it just feels best? Surely there are still those moments out there. I am a believer.

Yesterday, I threw in the towel. It was time. Ill try and not let my emotions get the best of me, and WILL NOT blog about it over and over again. So right now I will give you this one post. It was the best decision for me right now. The best decision for me today. After all of the things that I have seen happen to people close to me in the recent weeks, today is what matters most. i say that a lot, but mean it deeply.

Just a friendly birthday wish list post...

today I went to urban outfitters to do a little browsing. sadly, nothing was purchased. but I sure did go all googly-eyed over the following. AND let me just tell you about my love of kitchen utensils. it isn't a problem yet, but I can see it posing a REAL problem in the near future.

I LOVE love this comforter...the ruffles are too cute.
any extra place to put my pictures is a MUST HAVE!

this precious little whale is a set of measuring cups... oh I know!
and the ice cream measuring spoons...I'll take these as well!
I am not singer but love the microphone tongs!
And last but not least, these bowls are my FAVORITE.
I'll take one of each.
this is all just innocent wishful thinking.
but I do have a birthday coming up.
no but really, I hope one day I can get all of this snazzy stuff.
it is too cute.
I passed my first test with a B.
FOUR to go.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Since I have time...

So, not quite a year ago (I didn't start my blog until the summer), I wrote a post about my life, and where I was then. So a few more followers, and months later, I will give you another. One year ago today, I was starting up 2nd semester. I had just finished and passed first semester. I say that because the very year before that (fall 2008) I wasn't so lucky. I had actually failed one of my nursing classes, and by fail, I mean 72. 75 is the passing rate. It was a tragedy to say the least. TRAGIC. Nothing about me was prepared to handle such a predicament. I know now, and knew then (it was just harder to see past the tear soaken eyes), that there are far worse things in life than something you get a second chance at. Some people don't get more than one chance, and God allowed me another one. I will forever be grateful for that chance. I do not question why I failed, and I take complete responsibility. I, to this day, have a hard time telling people, because I take what people think to the heart, and it hurts. It hurts that people younger than me by years have graduated with their RN degree, and I am still trucking along. But I do my best to keep my head up, and just be thankful for this whole opportunity in general. I mean I just wrote a whole blog about people pitying themselves over something tee-tiny. So I know that what happened was just another bump in the road, and that my plan was far greater than anything I could ever imagine. I am thankful for that, and thankful that I am still in the process of learning so much about life and who I am and what I want to be. Although it would have been so very nice to graduate last May, some days I don't think God or I thought I was quite ready. I am okay with that. I don't see any of the time off was wasted. I see it as just more learning experience. So today, I am on my way to finishing up nursing school. One year ago today, I didn't see this all happening so fast, but I am so excited that it is. It is pretty surreal. However, I do know, I must get there first. I take my days as they come, or try to, because that can get pretty hard. Sure, I have my countdown, and I am constantly checking off the days in my calendar, but I know I must take this day by day. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. Also, so much has changed in a year. good and bad. good decisions, poor decisions, and decisions I am still trying to overcome. I have made new friends, said good bye to great friends, and made old friends new again. I am stronger, and sometimes wiser, but mostly only with the book smarts. I tell myself my common sense is lacking because I study so much, pushed all that common sense to the curb. So that is where my life is, one year later. I am one year older, almost 2 (my birthday is february 16), and I am about to be an aunt for the THIRD time. life is good. most days anyways, but in the end, I will be okay. ALSO :: my aunt was finally able to eat solid food. Can you imagine? Not eating FOOD for almost 6 months, and not by choice. Well, she is slowly but surely working her way back up, because GOD IS SO GOOD. and in an instant, my life is no longer complicated. My worries are not going to be the death of me, and I will take these road bumps one step at a time.

Nursing Nonsense :: Week Five

Yesterday, I started week number
But first, I will give you a quick recap of week FOUR.

I had one root canal round 2. NOT NEARLY AS BAD,
felt more like a bruise.
Just like the doctor said it would.

I made brownies, multiple of nights.
YUMMY. then added a little ice cream of course.
I applied for graduation, and was given order forms
to purchase our nursing pins.
(We have a pinning ceremony, along with graduation)
I think I want to be pinned with
miss Minnie.
Miss Minnie (who hangs with the Bullet all day,
in other words, on my car) was frozen most of the week.
It was MIGHTY chilly around these parts.
I managed to throw my notecards, on accident of course,
while climbing the stairs to my room.
AND I diligently studied for my FIRST test.
Grades still are not posted yet.
So we are still waiting on that.
AND TODAY, day 2 of week 5, I had clinicals on a regular
Medical-Surgical Unit. Don't you just love the green?
I promise, they are way better than the
white we once had to wear.
tomorrow, I DO NOT HAVE CLASS.
the joy in that is AMAZING.
I think I might sleep in.
Sorry for the lost length of time in between these last posts.
I have barely had time to wrap my head around
everything that is going on.
But I am thankful.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Nursing Nonsense :: Week Four.

monday: class then to the hospital for pre-clinical
(go to the hospital, pick a patient, do 3+ hours of paperwork on that patient)
tuesday: clinicals 7-3 TSICU. pretty awesome again. very grateful for that opportunity. then complete the paperwork from monday night.
wednesday: class then to the dentist for root canal round 2. (same tooth) LUCKY GIRL.
thursday: PRECEPT 7-3
friday: PRECEPT 7-3
saturday: PRECEPT 7-3
sunday: PRECEPT 7-3
happy week.
i might not be around too much this week.
hope your tuesday has been wonderful.
****please ALSO do not forget those who need our prayers
in their battles with cancer.

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