That's how the saying goes

When one door closes, another one opens.

That's how the saying goes anyways. What happens when we lose the key...when the plans change, because they do without fair warning, where do even look to find it? We pray and we ask, we might even scream. Why in the world would You close that door? Because He knew I never would. I need an answer for everything. It's how I learn. It's how I move on, how I become a better nurse... It's just what I need. The fear of the unknown is a real thing. Especially for this girl. I'm a literal person. That grey area people tend to live in isn't for me. My brain rarely shuts off and too much could be left for confusion. That's a definite fault. I have those too. So when one door closes another door will open. It's only a matter of when and if you have enough faith to trust in His timing. See, a few days ago I asked...I said, God why would you close that door? Simple as that. My answer wasn't something I had been looking for. I decided to pursue it because I knew if that was a new door opening then I wouldn't turn my back on what God was trying to show me. Not this time. I have so many times before, maybe a lot of us have. Throughout this whole house buying thing, I've asked God if this is the path He was leading me down. I know that if it wasn't He would stop it at any point because there would be something so much better. Why I can't trust in His timing for other things, I'm not so sure...but I am learning. Right now, a new door has opened and I'm anxious and I'm excited to see where it might lead me. The hardest part in all of this is trusting Him everyday, not just on the good ones. Like I said, I have faults and I'm by no means perfect. Everyday is an inner struggle searching for those answers. But each day that I give it to God, I'm reminded that life will go on & I better be ready.

"Here's the truth about big life changes..."

I'm a quotes kinda girl. One liners to live by. (Or sometimes more than one) Most of the time it's way easier said than done and being on the receiving end is for the birds. However, when times hit the hardest your troops really do rally with you. I couldn't be more grateful for mine and all the nonsense they've put up with. Each day I find myself with another word of encouragement and although I wish it were different, it really does help. I keep saying through all of this that it's just not fair. But life isn't fair, and it never will be. I really do have so much to look forward to and I try daily to remember that. If anyone needs a good quote for the day maybe one of these will do. They've either been sent to me or I've found them on Pinterest. I would take total claim but I can't. Happy Friday world.

Every little thing will be alright

I started blogging again because I wanted to blog about the exciting changes that were happening in my life. I have a job that I love, I'm closing on my very own home in less than a month now, and I was sharing my life with someone who I love dearly.... But I also have always kept this blog like a diary. Did I expect to ever be writing like this again? Absolutely not. For me, writing is therapy. So I can't apologize if sometimes this blog is like a Debbie downer. Although I try to see the positive in every situation, sometimes I just need to let it out....

I'm never good with change. I don't think I can blog about it enough. I think heartache is like having your tonsils out. The older you are, the harder the aftermath. Maybe it's the thought of starting over, again. Maybe it's the reality that I'm not living the plans I imagined. I steered off that course along time ago. Through each situation I try to not do anything out of spite and I never have wanted to feel empowered over someone. Making myself feel better isn't a priority I strive to receive. Maybe I should, but it's just never been how I deal with situations. I am, however, sometimes too nice and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I see the good. Right now some would say I have it all, but I beg to differ. I try daily to remember that His plan is greater but my heart is bruised. At 18, if you asked how my life would be at 27 this wouldn't have been it. I, again, don't make those plans. I only follow them, sometimes screaming and fighting. I've been given the answers I so desperately crave and I am still having the hardest time putting one foot in front of the other. Do I realize that many others have it way worse than I? Of course. But today, these are my struggles, and they are very real. Growing up I never wanted to feel like I needed someone to help me through life. Do I love companionship and having someone there, of course. I love the idea of sharing my life with someone, married or not. However, right now I'm having to learn just the opposite. I thought I was starting a new chapter with someone. Plans change and people do too. I can't live with the idea of not starting this chapter because I'm no longer sharing it with someone. I can't halt my life because someone halted theirs. I pray every single day for the right decisions. Right now I'm hating the answers, I really am. However, I know that I need to figure this journey out by myself. I can start a chapter without the rock I so desperately loved, because that rock crumbled. Luckily for me, my God's rock will never fault me. I may not see His plans because my eyes are a little teary, but I will try living it. Every single day. 

Loving the brokenhearted

It's so easy to knock people when they're down. We kick them while it hurts, and all too often we just aren't aware of their inner battles. I'm sure I've written about this before. But it's a new day, a new time and I'm just not sure my role in any of it. Like I said, it is easy to complain or nag but it's not for us to judge. We are here to love and encourage. Maybe even steer a little, whatever the case may be. Everyone has made mistakes & everyone has their moments when they're stuck. I've been stuck many of times. I've blogged about the majority of them. Nursing school, moving, relationships, friendships, everything.  Then once in a blue moon we are on the other side of that rut. How we handle these things isn't how everyone else handles things, what we do just isn't made for anyone. I'm a crier. Sometimes retail therapy works, writing, and lots of alone time does the trick. Some things we will never rid ourselves of because of our decisions. Those consequences, well they like to follow us around. It's how we deal with them that makes us the people we become. This time it's not about me. Loving the brokenhearted isn't easy, but in the end it's the best option we have. They may push and they may pull but I think that's when they need us more than ever. We might not have the right words to say or ideas to help them heal, but we have love. We know we can pull them in tight, literally or figuratively, and we can pray that whatever happens will be the best for them. We can love them wholeheartedly. We can expect nothing in return, only that their heart is healed. Sometimes I can be a bit selfish, but this isn't about my needs or my wants. It's about those we love the most.

pinterest

Times, they are a changin'

found here

Southern Belle

I guess we southerners hold all the stigmas... go to a 4 year college, join a sorority, graduate in 4 years from that college, get married, have cute little babies, inherit your parent's company, find your white picket fence in front of a lightly painted yellow house with a wrap around porch. In that exact order.

Well, I broke the stigma a while back. Maybe before I even started college. I didn't join a sorority, because I was told no, and realized it was one of the best no's I had ever heard. I still haven't graduated and we all know it has been way past 4 years. I have no company to inherit, or money for that matter. But that's only because I have spent it all in the past 5 years. Now of course, every girl dreams of their wedding day. I would more than likely would be bridezilla. Because I want what I want exactly when I want it. Third child syndrome?? Check. I love babies, and I want atleast 4 but I am sure I will settle with 2. You know, I just can't make that decision yet. And of course, the yellow house with a picket fence is certainly a dream I have stashed away somewhere.

However, I can only pray that God wants each of these things for me and my future. But until then, I can't ever question my choices, and if what I am doing is the best thing for me. I have big dreams, a big heart, and know that those dreams will be fulfilled first. I have a person in my life who has big dreams too, and that is something I can't continue to question either.  Because right now, we are happy, living our lives, and taking it day by day. I can't force something on someone if the importance isnt all that great, it just pushes them farther away. If God wants me to have babies 2 years from now or 10 years from now, that is His choice. I am just living this life in the meantime. I will figure the rest out as I mosey along.
 

tabs tabs everywhere!

I have created a little tab right above here, below my picture named my poems! Click on it to read some of the things I have written. I will try to update it as much as I can without OVERDOING it. :)