Saturday, July 16, 2011

My sob story

In one of the last post I used the words, "I'm happy." Let me start by saying that I am. I am very much happy that I have finished school, no longer have to fully rely on my parents for financial help, can go to bed without worrying about passing a test, have a great family, super supportive friends, and this chapter is only beginning. Maybe, I should say I am thankful. I am more thankful than ever to be on this path. I think. Hope I didn't just shoot myself in the foot with that statement. I know each path is different, and I will follow my path just as I am told. I will do it whole heartedly, and I will trust in the Lord with all that I have. But let me just tell you that this chapter wasn't what I had written as a little bushy haired, green eyed girl growing up. Nope. We all know how I thought it played out. I will say I didn't think I would be starting this particular journey alone. Moving into a new home or apartment, just me, myself, and my most faithful companion, Tallulah. I love being a big girl, but never stopped to think I would be a big girl all by myself, and who knows how long this chapter will last. One day, one week, one year. I hope I don't sound like I am complaining. I can be big and tough and tell you that I am strong and independent and need no one to share this journey with. But that, my friends, is a big fat lie. I am not big nor tough. That lesson I learned at work just one week ago. "Lindsey, you must grow thicker skin." I guess we will never please everyone, no matter how many times we ask if there is anything else we can do, or how many more smiles we give. We just can't help those who don't want to be helped. We can however, grow thicker skin while trying to do so, because there really are mean people in this world. I am learning. I might act strong and independent, but I want more than anything to share my happiness with someone else. And I know that I will. I will also become stronger and more independent while doing so. I have learned that we cannot fight for those who will not fight back, and we must move on from the demons holding us back if we have any hope at a bright new future. Let me just tell you since I am rambling, I have a past as colorful as they come. For a very long time it held me back. Some days I am sure it still does. However, in the last few months I was able to close a chapter I never thought would close. I was forgiven for a choice that should be unforgivable, and in turn, I was able to forgive myself and move on. I don't talk much about the life right after high school, and I am not going to start. I will say that the person I was back then doesn't deserve to be where this girl is. I often battle with myself over those decisions, although I know there is no going back. But like I said, I was forgiven, and I am slowly moving on. I am happy for that. Back to that word. Happy. I am closing my eyes in search of something else to say, because today this week has been rather draining. But this path was chosen for me and I will continue along the way I am called to do. The end.

ALSO:: I decided to change the name of my blog. With new beginnings come new changes, right? I wrote a post with the same title a few weeks back, and I liked it. So there you have it. Let me know what you think. If you are wondering you can read that post RIGHT HERE!!


  1. I love your new title and I can understand where you're coming from in this post... I really can. Just know that as life and time go on it gets sweeter and sweeter... I promise.

    I would get a roommate that's a great friend and I would live it up right now... you're 20's are for having fun and enjoying life and focusing on you and what you need. Let your 30's be where you really grow up... ;)

  2. I found your blog through a comment you left on another blog about waiting for things to happen and life not being as planned. Then I came to your blog and found this post and it spoke so true to me. I am experiencing the same feelings and just posted about it today. It's not easy not knowing what your future holds and I am struggling with that so very much. I cannot wait to read your blog and learn more about you. I hope that we both find what we are looking for and find comfort in the unknown.
    Here is my post from today, we single gals have to stick together :)


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