Keep your head up, they said. You'll be fine, they said.

As a nurse we have an answer to every question. If we don't, we know someone who does. There is almost always a solution to every problem. As a critical care nurse we have a lot of control. We are respected, loved and trusted by the majority of our physicians. We aren't always sticking our fingers in places they don't belong. (TMI?) We make decisions based on our own judgement that could make the slightest change. We are critical thinkers, we are doers and we are givers. Sometimes all in one day. Not all of us are lucky enough to be able to separate our lives from work. I try to fix every problem. I don't always have control, because giving it up can be relaxing at times. I'm a caregiver through and through. So, when we can't fix a problem, what in the world are we supposed to do? When our help is too much to bear, and we are no longer that shoulder to lean on, it takes you off guard. Stepping away from the problems just isn't what we are taught. We need reasons, and most importantly we need the answers. We need the whys and the what happens and when did that start? But our loved ones aren't our patients. They hate nursing just as much as the next person. We aren't fixing this one and prying is only making that hole bigger. Stepping away is nearly impossible. It's confusing to say the least and trying to find a new normal away from it all is defeating. Sometimes life throws you a curveball so far out of left field that leaves you stunned. I was never a good hitter. My Dad always said I took my eyes off the ball and dropped my shoulders. Maybe I dropped the ball on this one too. See, earlier I said we ALMOST always could find the solution to every problem. The scariest thing in the world is when they tell you there's no answer, because that just mean it's the end. That's a scary normal that I wasn't ready to face, but we don't make our plans. We pray that whatever happens is the best and we take the paths that are chosen for us. The greatest physician of them all always has the answers. He never let's us stray too far and reminds us daily that everything will be just fine.