A weekend in photos...

I exchanged a purse that I liked a little, to one I liked a whole lot.

 Then used the difference to purchase my most favorite eye shadow.

Mulch by Mac.

 My brother and I ate at the Original Pancake House,

and he ordered these DELICIOUS chocolate chip pancakes

 And, I got these snazzy new kicks as an early birthday present thanks to my mama.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend full of LOVE.

well, maybe one more.

I had a moment of weakness today, so I sulked, I questioned, I regretted, but only for a minute. I quickly remembered what my blogger friends told me. I quickly remembered that the decision I made was for me, and I made it. I thought about it for weeks, and for months. It was very rational. It was very much for the best. Okay pity me party was over. Then I was thinking even more, because that's what I do. That is what I am taught in nursing school. The questions are always asking multiple of things. We must solve the first half before we can move to the next. And if we happen to get the first part wrong, we more than likely are heading in the wrong direction. Actually we will probably get the question wrong, because we weren't thinking properly, we took a wrong turn. It's okay. All of us nursing students do it. It doesn't make us bad almost nurses, just makes us better. Because we will do our best to never EVER make that wrong turn again, or answer that question wrong again. At least we hope not. However you must look at it, we are constant thinkers, and that my friends brings me to my present state of mind. See after my small pity party, I quickly remembered everything good that was soon to take place in my life. Those pros far weighed out any other thing I thought was important. In less than 2 months I will have a new nephew. I will watch the most beautiful 2 year old become the best big sister there is, and I will watch my sister and brother in law become a family of 4. I will see them become parents to 2 children, and watch their lives forever be changed once again. I will watch my aunt complete this battle with cancer, and overcome these obstacles. I will watch another great close childhood friend have her very first little boy. I will watch two of the sweetest people become the greatest parents, and watch as their lives become even more special. I will watch my niece turn THREE and my nephew turn TWO. I will celebrate the major milestones and I will be the proudest aunt EVER. I will be beyond thankful God chose me for all these things. I will be one step closer to graduation as each day passes, because the sun will set and rise each and everyday whether we are ready or not. Then, if I make it to graduation (because I am not going to jinx myself just yet), I will have so much more to look forward to. A new chapter will open, one that does not put school first, and one that involves one big world with millions of opportunities. There are endless possibilities. So I will allow myself one pity party for now, but I will pull up my big girl panties and take one step forward. My God has this under control. 

closing the chapter.

I wrote a few months back about some questions that weighed heavily on my heart. Here is most of that entry...


When is it time to throw in the towel?
When do you finally say, okay this is enough, I am finished?
When you walk away, never look back, and move on?

See, I think I am a pretty good giver of advice, but you know they always say, "it's easier said than done." So thank you to whoever said that, I suppose you just wanted to make life a little bit more difficult. So here I am, unable to follow through with my own advice, because I just don't know. It is that plain and simple. What to do? What to do? I have worked so hard for something, have recieved little in return, but some part of me can't throw in the towel. Why? Because life isn't that simple. Sure I am young, have tons of life to live, but I just don't know that for sure. I only have today. Shouldn't that make this all more simple? Why heck no. But more difficult? WELL YES. Because I am so scared of the unknown. Like, TERRIFIED.

I have no idea why. I could blame my past, my choices, my present, or anything for that matter. But there is no one to blame but myself. For not following through with what I believe, and losing myself, who I am deep down, in the process. Now that is pretty simple to follow. I have held on for so long that I can't remember why I chose that the first time. So when is time to throw in that towel? I still need an answer.

I think we are scared to make decisions because we don't know what our future holds. What if that was the best. What if we don't find anything like it ever again, and what if we lose it all? Now that, I am afraid of. That is something my heart just can't grasp, and that is why it is so hard to throw in this worn out towel.

The one thing I do know, is that I hate to question things. I just feel like if you question your decisions, then maybe they aren't the best ones for you. You should just know. Don't people just know? Or is that just in the movies? Surely not, surely when something is right, you just know. Whole heartedly its all you can think about, its the best decision, and it just feels best? Surely there are still those moments out there. I am a believer.

Yesterday, I threw in the towel. It was time. Ill try and not let my emotions get the best of me, and WILL NOT blog about it over and over again. So right now I will give you this one post. It was the best decision for me right now. The best decision for me today. After all of the things that I have seen happen to people close to me in the recent weeks, today is what matters most. i say that a lot, but mean it deeply.

Just a friendly birthday wish list post...

today I went to urban outfitters to do a little browsing. sadly, nothing was purchased. but I sure did go all googly-eyed over the following. AND let me just tell you about my love of kitchen utensils. it isn't a problem yet, but I can see it posing a REAL problem in the near future.

I LOVE love this comforter...the ruffles are too cute.

any extra place to put my pictures is a MUST HAVE!

this precious little whale is a set of measuring cups... oh I know!

and the ice cream measuring spoons...I'll take these as well!

I am not singer but love the microphone tongs!

And last but not least, these bowls are my FAVORITE.

I'll take one of each.

this is all just innocent wishful thinking.

but I do have a birthday coming up.

no but really, I hope one day I can get all of this snazzy stuff.

it is too cute.

HAPPY HAPPY WEDNESDAY.

I passed my first test with a B.

ONE DOWN.

FOUR to go.

Since I have time...

So, not quite a year ago (I didn't start my blog until the summer), I wrote a post about my life, and where I was then. So a few more followers, and months later, I will give you another. One year ago today, I was starting up 2nd semester. I had just finished and passed first semester. I say that because the very year before that (fall 2008) I wasn't so lucky. I had actually failed one of my nursing classes, and by fail, I mean 72. 75 is the passing rate. It was a tragedy to say the least. TRAGIC. Nothing about me was prepared to handle such a predicament. I know now, and knew then (it was just harder to see past the tear soaken eyes), that there are far worse things in life than something you get a second chance at. Some people don't get more than one chance, and God allowed me another one. I will forever be grateful for that chance. I do not question why I failed, and I take complete responsibility. I, to this day, have a hard time telling people, because I take what people think to the heart, and it hurts. It hurts that people younger than me by years have graduated with their RN degree, and I am still trucking along. But I do my best to keep my head up, and just be thankful for this whole opportunity in general. I mean I just wrote a whole blog about people pitying themselves over something tee-tiny. So I know that what happened was just another bump in the road, and that my plan was far greater than anything I could ever imagine. I am thankful for that, and thankful that I am still in the process of learning so much about life and who I am and what I want to be. Although it would have been so very nice to graduate last May, some days I don't think God or I thought I was quite ready. I am okay with that. I don't see any of the time off was wasted. I see it as just more learning experience. So today, I am on my way to finishing up nursing school. One year ago today, I didn't see this all happening so fast, but I am so excited that it is. It is pretty surreal. However, I do know, I must get there first. I take my days as they come, or try to, because that can get pretty hard. Sure, I have my countdown, and I am constantly checking off the days in my calendar, but I know I must take this day by day. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. Also, so much has changed in a year. good and bad. good decisions, poor decisions, and decisions I am still trying to overcome. I have made new friends, said good bye to great friends, and made old friends new again. I am stronger, and sometimes wiser, but mostly only with the book smarts. I tell myself my common sense is lacking because I study so much, pushed all that common sense to the curb. So that is where my life is, one year later. I am one year older, almost 2 (my birthday is february 16), and I am about to be an aunt for the THIRD time. life is good. most days anyways, but in the end, I will be okay. ALSO :: my aunt was finally able to eat solid food. Can you imagine? Not eating FOOD for almost 6 months, and not by choice. Well, she is slowly but surely working her way back up, because GOD IS SO GOOD. and in an instant, my life is no longer complicated. My worries are not going to be the death of me, and I will take these road bumps one step at a time.

Nursing Nonsense :: Week Five

Yesterday, I started week number

But first, I will give you a quick recap of week FOUR.

I had one root canal round 2. NOT NEARLY AS BAD,

felt more like a bruise.

Just like the doctor said it would.

I made brownies, multiple of nights.

YUMMY. then added a little ice cream of course.

I applied for graduation, and was given order forms

to purchase our nursing pins.

(We have a pinning ceremony, along with graduation)

I think I want to be pinned with

miss Minnie.

Miss Minnie (who hangs with the Bullet all day,

in other words, on my car) was frozen most of the week.

It was MIGHTY chilly around these parts.

I managed to throw my notecards, on accident of course,

while climbing the stairs to my room.

AND I diligently studied for my FIRST test.
Grades still are not posted yet.

So we are still waiting on that.

AND TODAY, day 2 of week 5, I had clinicals on a regular

Medical-Surgical Unit. Don't you just love the green?
I promise, they are way better than the

white we once had to wear.

tomorrow, I DO NOT HAVE CLASS.

the joy in that is AMAZING.

I think I might sleep in.

HAPPY TUESDAY.

Sorry for the lost length of time in between these last posts.

I have barely had time to wrap my head around

everything that is going on.

But I am thankful.

Nursing Nonsense :: Week Four.

monday: class then to the hospital for pre-clinical
(go to the hospital, pick a patient, do 3+ hours of paperwork on that patient)
tuesday: clinicals 7-3 TSICU. pretty awesome again. very grateful for that opportunity. then complete the paperwork from monday night.
wednesday: class then to the dentist for root canal round 2. (same tooth) LUCKY GIRL.
thursday: PRECEPT 7-3
friday: PRECEPT 7-3
saturday: PRECEPT 7-3
sunday: PRECEPT 7-3
AND LET US ADD STUDY TO EVERY SINGLE DAY because our first test is MONDAY.
happy week.
i might not be around too much this week.

hope your tuesday has been wonderful.

****please ALSO do not forget those who need our prayers
in their battles with cancer.