Wednesday, February 9, 2011

closing the chapter.

I wrote a few months back about some questions that weighed heavily on my heart. Here is most of that entry...

When is it time to throw in the towel?
When do you finally say, okay this is enough, I am finished?
When you walk away, never look back, and move on?

See, I think I am a pretty good giver of advice, but you know they always say, "it's easier said than done." So thank you to whoever said that, I suppose you just wanted to make life a little bit more difficult. So here I am, unable to follow through with my own advice, because I just don't know. It is that plain and simple. What to do? What to do? I have worked so hard for something, have recieved little in return, but some part of me can't throw in the towel. Why? Because life isn't that simple. Sure I am young, have tons of life to live, but I just don't know that for sure. I only have today. Shouldn't that make this all more simple? Why heck no. But more difficult? WELL YES. Because I am so scared of the unknown. Like, TERRIFIED.

I have no idea why. I could blame my past, my choices, my present, or anything for that matter. But there is no one to blame but myself. For not following through with what I believe, and losing myself, who I am deep down, in the process. Now that is pretty simple to follow. I have held on for so long that I can't remember why I chose that the first time. So when is time to throw in that towel? I still need an answer.

I think we are scared to make decisions because we don't know what our future holds. What if that was the best. What if we don't find anything like it ever again, and what if we lose it all? Now that, I am afraid of. That is something my heart just can't grasp, and that is why it is so hard to throw in this worn out towel.

The one thing I do know, is that I hate to question things. I just feel like if you question your decisions, then maybe they aren't the best ones for you. You should just know. Don't people just know? Or is that just in the movies? Surely not, surely when something is right, you just know. Whole heartedly its all you can think about, its the best decision, and it just feels best? Surely there are still those moments out there. I am a believer.

Yesterday, I threw in the towel. It was time. Ill try and not let my emotions get the best of me, and WILL NOT blog about it over and over again. So right now I will give you this one post. It was the best decision for me right now. The best decision for me today. After all of the things that I have seen happen to people close to me in the recent weeks, today is what matters most. i say that a lot, but mean it deeply.


  1. k seriously, love your blog. I can totally relate to this right now. But once we make a decision it seems like somehow we will know right away if that was the right choice. Today is what matters most, and i TOTALLY realize that now! I don't know what happened but sounds like we are paralleing in life right now hehe!


  2. The right decision will feel like a burden has been lifted from your shoulders... like you're free and clear headed again. You may miss what you let go of and that's ok...It doesn't mean you made the wrong choice. It's normal to miss something.... but along with that missing feleing you'll still have that feeling of anticipation of what's to come. That's how you know it's the right choice :)

  3. I am so happy that I could be of help! I've been there plenty of times so I know how you feel... hang in there!!

  4. I feel like I'm in the same boat... of sorts


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