Wednesday, October 13, 2010

are we there yet?

I had my first psych rotation monday night. I guess I shouldn't have gone in their with the mind set that all these people are bad, drug users, or attention seekers. No, I was completely wrong. Sure, there were probably a few of each but there were also some that had a chronic illness, family troubles, and no job. Now, that would throw me over the edge too. Its amazing that they are strong enough to know something isn't right, and take the necessary actions to make a change. My heart and my mind just weren't ready to talk to such patients. I ramble, lose my train of thought, and all I really want to do is encourage. That is just not what psych clinicals are all about. We probe into these people's lives, change the questions around, and don't stop until we like what we hear. My favorite, "well how does that make you feel." If someone asked me that, I would politely say, "how do you think it makes me feel, like poo!" It goes back to not knowing these people's stories. We only know what we see in the charts. These patients don't have a specific look, color, or feel. They are people, they are you and I, and they have just reached a point that they can't escape alone. I just don't think I am qualified to do that just yet.
On the other hand, I'm naïve. Way to naïve for this. I believe everything, show too much compassion, and cross the boundaries. So back to those attention seeking, substance abusers, I would get played over and over again. Because I believe way too much, try to see the good, and really believe you if you tell me you'll do better next time. But some of these people, their next time is everyday, and they're way to deep in the hole they have dug. Sure I have sympathy, but I also don't feel that part of psych is right for me. I'm a talker but I am nurturer. Ill stick with the littles.

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