Almost a year ago I wrote this post about fairytales. I don't want to blog about the same thing twice, but when I have something to write about, I just write. Sorry if I am repeating myself, but the times are changing, so this post will be a little different.
See, I grew up watching fairytales, I stayed away from the scary ones, and if it didn't end with a happily ever after I probably didn't watch it twice. I did watch Silence of Lambs once when I was way too young, maybe that is my problem now. I check my backseat everytime I get in my car, lock the doors almost immediately, and I am constantly checking the mirrors. I don't really think that this is a bad thing, but most days I am more paranoid than the average person. This paranoia is another reason I don't like car washes. I most certainly think someone will jump out of all that mess and try and scare me. It will probably happen one day. I will let you know.
So back to the fairytales. I believe in them. I know they exist. I know that just like Cinderella said, "One shoe can change your life." Maybe, just maybe I obsess over it a little too much. Sometimes my head is so far up in the clouds that I forget there is a world called reality right here all around me. I think I would rather be in my fairytale. The endings are better. Everyone is always chipper, and your heart would never be broken. They all can sing too, and I can't sing. We all know OUR reality is not nearly as charming. It sure does hurt a lot worse. It really makes you question many of things, and it most definitely makes you take a good look inside yourself. I could blame many of people. I could point the finger at the past. I could even point the finger at today. In the end, I am to blame. I also know that I have given up many things, thinking or hoping that my fairytale was coming true. Was it worth it? We all say we wouldn't be where we are today if it weren't for those choices, but I often wonder who I would be if I would have made different ones. And really, I don't know if this is even the person I want to be right now. Maybe I would be the same person living a different fairytale, maybe I would be a better person, or maybe not? I know what if's are very dangerous, and only hurt in the end. However, lately it is the only way my brain has known how to work. Maybe I am still trying to get to know this person I am today to figure out if this is who and what and where I want to be. I don't think it should be this tough to figure out, but if it were all easy peasy then this reality would be pretty boring. I don't want a glass slipper, or someone to lose me to figure out that I am supposed to be with them, so they can come running back at the end of the movie and tell me that I am the one, and they made some big mistake. Nope. It all sounds fun, but I don't want any of that. I want my own fairytale. I don't want to let someone go to figure out if they are who I am supposed to be with, because frankly LOSING SOMEONE SUCKS. I want my fairytale, exactly how it is supposed to be. Don't we all? I know my fairytale is in the making. I know I will always be a dreamer, because I always have.
I don't mind it.
And you know what?
The other character in this fairytale won't mind it either.