The Sun is Rising

"Change is never easy. You fight to hold on & you fight to let go"

I've thrown myself into so many new changes lately searching for some sort of new normal that I forget exactly what I am searching for. I run daily to de-stress & stay in shape although I hate running. I left the most amazing job ever to work Monday - Friday even though I promised myself I'd never be a normal working girl and I own the cutest house on the block that I share with my pups, although I never imagined this journey alone. So halfway through my mental breakdown a couple of weeks ago I realized how badly I wanted my old normal back. A normal that made me happy, kept me semi stress free & promised me a future that I couldn't wait to start. It was a also a normal that was taken so abruptly I still forget that it even happened. I haven't forgotten it really, I live it daily. I just often wonder why it was all taken from me. We pray for God to make these changes and to steer us onto the path that He has chosen for us, but emotionally I feel like I'm in a tornado. My devotional tells me daily to have faith, and to never lose hope,  that everything happens in God's perfect timing. I'm just unsure where I fit into any of it. We wonder how long we have to walk blind in this storm until we find that ending we are searching for. As I sit here and write this my favorite song starts to play. I think it comes on at all the right times. 

"Whatever you're facing

If your heart is breaking

There's a promise for the ones who just hold on

Lift up your eyes and see

The sun is rising."

I doubt daily. I cry often but pray continuously. Somedays are better than others and somedays down right suck. The more I push myself into something new the more every ounce of the rest of me wants to fight it. I hate change but my old normal is long gone. I just have to remind myself that something grander is on it's way and I need to thank God for all the blessings that I do have. No matter how bad our days might be, tomorrow will come and the sun will rise again. 

New day. New do.

My sister in law's sweet sister gave me a new do. Seriously, I lost inches and I feel like a new lady. I love the whole ombré look but I've been terrified to try it, so Ariel went with a toned down version to ease me into it. It's hard to tell from pictures but I think it turned out great. If you're in the area, check her out. It's amazing what a new haircut can do for a girl. 

New day. New do. New me.

Before & After. 

Every little thing will be alright

I started blogging again because I wanted to blog about the exciting changes that were happening in my life. I have a job that I love, I'm closing on my very own home in less than a month now, and I was sharing my life with someone who I love dearly.... But I also have always kept this blog like a diary. Did I expect to ever be writing like this again? Absolutely not. For me, writing is therapy. So I can't apologize if sometimes this blog is like a Debbie downer. Although I try to see the positive in every situation, sometimes I just need to let it out....

I'm never good with change. I don't think I can blog about it enough. I think heartache is like having your tonsils out. The older you are, the harder the aftermath. Maybe it's the thought of starting over, again. Maybe it's the reality that I'm not living the plans I imagined. I steered off that course along time ago. Through each situation I try to not do anything out of spite and I never have wanted to feel empowered over someone. Making myself feel better isn't a priority I strive to receive. Maybe I should, but it's just never been how I deal with situations. I am, however, sometimes too nice and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I see the good. Right now some would say I have it all, but I beg to differ. I try daily to remember that His plan is greater but my heart is bruised. At 18, if you asked how my life would be at 27 this wouldn't have been it. I, again, don't make those plans. I only follow them, sometimes screaming and fighting. I've been given the answers I so desperately crave and I am still having the hardest time putting one foot in front of the other. Do I realize that many others have it way worse than I? Of course. But today, these are my struggles, and they are very real. Growing up I never wanted to feel like I needed someone to help me through life. Do I love companionship and having someone there, of course. I love the idea of sharing my life with someone, married or not. However, right now I'm having to learn just the opposite. I thought I was starting a new chapter with someone. Plans change and people do too. I can't live with the idea of not starting this chapter because I'm no longer sharing it with someone. I can't halt my life because someone halted theirs. I pray every single day for the right decisions. Right now I'm hating the answers, I really am. However, I know that I need to figure this journey out by myself. I can start a chapter without the rock I so desperately loved, because that rock crumbled. Luckily for me, my God's rock will never fault me. I may not see His plans because my eyes are a little teary, but I will try living it. Every single day. 

Since I have time...

So, not quite a year ago (I didn't start my blog until the summer), I wrote a post about my life, and where I was then. So a few more followers, and months later, I will give you another. One year ago today, I was starting up 2nd semester. I had just finished and passed first semester. I say that because the very year before that (fall 2008) I wasn't so lucky. I had actually failed one of my nursing classes, and by fail, I mean 72. 75 is the passing rate. It was a tragedy to say the least. TRAGIC. Nothing about me was prepared to handle such a predicament. I know now, and knew then (it was just harder to see past the tear soaken eyes), that there are far worse things in life than something you get a second chance at. Some people don't get more than one chance, and God allowed me another one. I will forever be grateful for that chance. I do not question why I failed, and I take complete responsibility. I, to this day, have a hard time telling people, because I take what people think to the heart, and it hurts. It hurts that people younger than me by years have graduated with their RN degree, and I am still trucking along. But I do my best to keep my head up, and just be thankful for this whole opportunity in general. I mean I just wrote a whole blog about people pitying themselves over something tee-tiny. So I know that what happened was just another bump in the road, and that my plan was far greater than anything I could ever imagine. I am thankful for that, and thankful that I am still in the process of learning so much about life and who I am and what I want to be. Although it would have been so very nice to graduate last May, some days I don't think God or I thought I was quite ready. I am okay with that. I don't see any of the time off was wasted. I see it as just more learning experience. So today, I am on my way to finishing up nursing school. One year ago today, I didn't see this all happening so fast, but I am so excited that it is. It is pretty surreal. However, I do know, I must get there first. I take my days as they come, or try to, because that can get pretty hard. Sure, I have my countdown, and I am constantly checking off the days in my calendar, but I know I must take this day by day. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. Also, so much has changed in a year. good and bad. good decisions, poor decisions, and decisions I am still trying to overcome. I have made new friends, said good bye to great friends, and made old friends new again. I am stronger, and sometimes wiser, but mostly only with the book smarts. I tell myself my common sense is lacking because I study so much, pushed all that common sense to the curb. So that is where my life is, one year later. I am one year older, almost 2 (my birthday is february 16), and I am about to be an aunt for the THIRD time. life is good. most days anyways, but in the end, I will be okay. ALSO :: my aunt was finally able to eat solid food. Can you imagine? Not eating FOOD for almost 6 months, and not by choice. Well, she is slowly but surely working her way back up, because GOD IS SO GOOD. and in an instant, my life is no longer complicated. My worries are not going to be the death of me, and I will take these road bumps one step at a time.

If I could write a letter to me...

I would say you should have studied a little bit harder the first go around. Maybe if you would have logged out of facebook, stayed home that night, and cleared your mind, maybe you would be a real working girl now. But I would also say, you can't look back. Should-a, could-a, would-a is a thing of the past. And we are already in today. You must suck it up and move on. Because you will get through it. You will sacrifice, you will miss out, you will lose some people you thought you would have had forever. And the end goal is worth far more than any of that. The end goal is your entire life. So don't give up.

Please don't let what people say bother you. I know you do more than anything else. But remember, they don't know you. They have no idea who you really are, and obviously don't care to try. But neither do you. The past might haunt you, but you made those decisions so you must learn to live with them. People will always say what they wish. But its up to you to be a bigger person. Never forget who you are, and those who matter most will always be at your side. Don't give up.

Step back and look at each and every situation. Think before you speak, and try to see every side of the story.  Because not everyone tells the truth, and not everyone has your best interest at heart. But try and not listen to all of those outside voices. They just get in the way, cause unnecessary drama, and mean nothing to you.

Let it go. You made a decision to say goodbye and felt the consequences. If you must look back, just look at the positive. And believe me, you will have no one on your side with this dilemma. In other words, you would never go into anything by yourself. Give it up. What happened will never be changed, and you have become a stronger person because of it.

Just remember, the sun will rise each and every morning, and God's plans are far better than we could imagine. Never stop praying.

image by blissfullydomestic.

Fill in the blank Friday

brought to you by Lauren @ The Little Things We Do... 

it's "short and sweet"

1.   I am       hanging with my niece.

2.  I wish   I was finished with school.

3.  I like      holidays, the beach, and butterfinger blasts from sonic .

4.  I can   hardly wait until april 2011, so I can meet the newest addition .

5.  I hope     these next few weeks fly on by

6.  I think       I am pretty pumped up about this week's sunday funday! pumpkin carving.

7.  I was        really cold this morning   .

4.

day seven [4 turn offs]

one: people who think they are better than someone else.
two: when someone breaks a promise//lies//doesn't follow through.
three: excuses
four: RUDEness

6.

day five [6 things you wish you'd never done]

but first... check out this sweet ring.

well what happens in our past makes us who we are today, with that being said

I wish I would have never [done]

this

that

spent money I didn't have

failed nursing .... but I could have done MORE to prevent that

wore that

facebook. ha. yeah right, maybe if I would just do it a little less. 

I sure would have studied a whole lot more.

Fill in the blank Friday

brought to you by lauren @ thelittlethingswedo

 1.   Blogging is  an outlet for me. It is another de-stressor!

2.  A current fashion trend I wish I was brave enough to wear is  sequins, without it looking to "happy new year-ish," or fun eye makeup and red lips, but I look a mess. Also, most trends I will atleast try if I have the money to do so. I think it is just the attitude you need in order to pull it off.

3.  My greatest accomplishment in life thus far is   getting into nursing school. the next will actually be to graduate from thus program!

4.  If I had to choose between a mountain or a beach vacation I'd choose    beach, FOR SURE! I love the beach, live for the summers, and can't wait to put my toes in the sand!

5.  A talent I wish I had is     being able to sing. I try really really hard, but it just doesn't work, at all. 

6.  A talent I do have is        writing, or so i like to think :) .

7.  This week       is over?? ALREADY, it can't be, I have a test Monday!!! 

7.

day four [7 things that cross my mind alot]

school

money

the future
relationships
family
school
work
****yep i think about school way
more than i should. WAY MORE.

9.

day two. [ 9 things about me ]

9. Odd numbers make me feel OFF balance
8. I'm a little goofy at times, and have a few little quirks
7. I'm super shy around a crowd of new people
6. I eat and write with my left hand, but almost everything else I do is right dominant.
5. I hit the snooze at least 3x every morning, and love my sleep
4. Car washes freak me out, the way your car shakes and moves. I always feel like someone is going to jump out at me.
3. I want a big family with a lot of kids and a lot of dogs.
2. I'm in dyer need of a turquoise over the shoulder purse... any suggestions?
1. I don't like long sleeves. Once you push them up around you forearm, they are done-zo, and too stretched out to wear for the rest day. And I just don't like that.

Fill in the blank Friday Saturday

***brought to you by Lauren at The Little Things We Do

1. The first thing I do in the morning to start my day is: hit the snooze atleast 5 times, then get a shower.

2. Today I wish I was: doing what I am doing. not working, and watching Alabama football.


3. If I had an extra $100 in my bank account today I'd: go buy some awesome new shoes.

4. Tomorrow I will be: going to work, and if I don't, I will be having lunch with the family. Oh, and studying my booty off!


5. Two things that don't go together are: me and cold weather clothes. my body just wasn't made for them.
6. Something I can never pass up at the grocery store is: for sure a magazine. I am such a celebrity stalker. eeek.


7. The last time I tried something new was: my new shoes today. they are these awesome little black booties with a ruffle. i will upload a picture later!

10.

day one. [ ten things i would say to 10 different people ]

thank you doesn't even come close to expressing how grateful i am for everything that you have done. you are the greatest man i know. thanks daddy for everything. i love you big.

your tunes guide my soul, and sends chills to my heart. i have been jammin' out lately to some of your older music. comfortable is for sure one of my favorites, ever. i promise that next time you come to birmingham, i will be there. some would say i am a bit obsessive, i just think you are fantastic. and pretty cute. dear john mayer, i kindof love you.

i can't believe it has been almost 6 years since i have seen you last. i would give anything to see you one more day. i took the days for granted and they will never be replaced. but i can't wait to see you again. i miss you dearly. i love you granddaddy.

as much as we would want to, we can't question what God has in store for us, and why He has chosen you for this journey. but i know more than anyone, you will take this battle with grace and dignity. you are strong, caring, compassionate, and mean the world to me. you will not fight this alone. i love you aunt lynn, with all my heart.

i never met you. always wondered who you would be like, or who would be most like you. im sure you would have curly brown hair like the rest of us, and a little quirky too. one day i will meet you, and i think about it often. i can't wait to meet the big sister i have never met. her name was kristen.

i know right now you are just a little pea pod growing in my sister's belly. and as much as i would like you to grow, i can't wait for your arrival. if meeting you is half as good as the first two than i am already head over heels in love you. your big sister is pretty funny, and i know you two will be great friends. see ya in april Baby Hall #2.

i think you are fabulous, fun, and delightful. minnie mouse, you are my number one.

to you. thank you for always being there, no matter what. you are amazing and strong, and i don't tell you enough how much you mean to me. you always see the glass half full. i love you mom, more than you will ever know.

you three are pretty darn near amazing. i am beyond lucky God chose me to be your little sister. Bill, Jessica, Daniel, I love you.

you make my day brighter every day. i would be lost without you my little Lula bug.

Dear Fall,

Although your leaves may change into beautiful and vibrant shades of orange, red, and yellow, I still can't place you in my number one spot. 

Sure, my heart lights up every Saturday because football takes over our world down here. 

And I have even more excuses to eat chili, although I could eat it every season. 

My favorite of course is Thanksgiving, and it is right around of the corner. Now that is my favorite holiday. The food is superb, family time, even better. However, fall, you just aren't my favorite. Of course, I love the breeze in the air, smell of fire places lighting their first match, and the thought of no more sweltering heat strokes is rather lovely. But no, that just doesn't do it for me.

Why? Because this morning I woke up to an a/c set on a total face drying out 66 degrees, although thermostat was safely put on 72. I do not, cannot stand, with out doubt, do not like waking up cold. I do not like trembling in bed, searching for more covers, and wrapping myself in a cocoon. I will sleep in sweat pants and a sweatshirt, and if I must, the flannel snowman sheets will make an early appearance. 

See, summertime, I always know what to wear. Shorts. I can wear comfy shorts, blue jean shorts, linen shorts, because the weather is either going to be hot or hotter. There isn't much of an in between, and I do not mind that at all. I love my summer. However, with the fall, the weather is a guessing game. Although it might be hot with a breeze in the afternoon, the mornings are cold. So cold in fact, that I feel some mornings I must break out the snow suit. And I just do not like having to guess what I am going to wear. 

I am shorts loving, flip flop wearing, swim suit sportin', 

 laying out by the beach craver, summer lovin' gal.

SO LONG SUMMER, I WILL MISS YOU.

dream pet + keeping that pet = Day Nineteen

 See, when I was younger, I had this MEGA infatuation with monkeys. Curious George to be in fact. I had countless monkey stuffed animals, back packs, blankets, pillows, etc. I was in love. However, as I have gotten a little wiser to know how not cool these things would be as pets my love for monkeys was strictly an infatuation only. I know longer believed I would own a monkey one day, and no longer dreamed of having one of these creatures in my home. But on the flip side, if they could be pets, I would take one for sure! no doubt. They are still pretty cute, but only from afar!!

last year + this year = Day Eighteen

seems I have been slacking on my 30 day challenge. So I will catch back up really fast.
Last year my hair was short. I was just starting back nursing school, and my world was changing fast.
This year my hair has gotten a little longer, I am in FOURTH semester, and it is all starting to slow down.....NOT! okay maybe a little more than last year. Oh, and I have probably put on a few lbs. 

"A penny for your thoughts...

Oh no, Ill see 'em for a dollar. " - perry.

I have realized some of posts have been a little on the downer side.

For starters my blog is a big vent for me. I love writing, and although I will not major in writing,  English, or journalism, I will always love writing venting. Sometimes your pen and paper, or in my case, my notepad on my cellphone, are my only out. Its too hard to explain the entire situation (whatever it might be). So I vent. And that is why here lately my posts haven't been extremely positive. I wear my heart on my sleeves, my expression slap dab on my face, and my mood is exactly what I am feeling. I have yet to figure out if that is a  good or bad quality, but I do know that is how God made me. So it must be okay.

I have also learned here lately that my God should be my only biggest influence. I'm not saying everyone is else wrong, I am just saying He is the only one who knows what is best. So of course that makes Him my best influence. Sure my family are great influences as well, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, its me and God. And God trusts me to make that final decision. And I trust in Him as well.

Of course I take my family and friend's advice into consideration. I would be crazy not too, but in certain situations the influences are just too much too handle. And when you let other people influence your decisions then you have given up your right of being a strong individual. You have given that right to someone else, and the whole world just starts taking its turn rolling you over. Altogether, it makes things way more complicated than it should have been in the first place. I am sure I am a pretty passive person. But I also know that peer pressure or wrong influences aren't the best ideas.

I think when it gets too complicated and you have too many voices going through your head, then you lose what the real situation was all about to begin with. So you have to just step back and only trust in yourself and in God. Ill give it up to God. Because at the end of the day, He really is the best influence.

Hello Monday

Everyone always say that they hate mondays. Sure, you have major jet lag from the weekend, 5 am always comes way too early and 5pm doesn't come fast enough. But it is coming whether we are ready or not. Its going to happen. Hey Monday, I've been waiting for you.

Sure Monday isn't my favorite day of the week, that's a toss up between a Friday evening or a Saturday morning. But if I am going to start anything at all, I have to do it on a Monday. Seriously, I have no idea why. But I have to, it is a must that anything new, i.e. diet, workout, must start on a Monday. I don't think I have ever started anything in the middle of the week. And why? I don't really know. All I know is that it doesn't quite feel right to start something not on a Monday, because the days will all be messed up. Because clearly I'm not going to do any of it on my beloved weekend. So why waste just half of a week? Remember that love for anything but odd numbers, this makes me have those same odd feelings.

So as you have put it all together, you will constantly here me saying, "Ill start next Monday," "Let's wait until Monday," or "Um, I think it will be better if we start on Monday, you know, like a new week, new life kind of thing." Well this past Monday has come and gone, and so have the ones before it. I am running out of Mondays. They come and go way too fast these days. So here I am, on another Monday debating if this Monday is my Monday. Because last Monday sure wasn't.

What makes me different = Day Fifteen.

The picture doesn't really say much... but I figured since the post was about me, I would give a picture of me.
So what makes me different you ask?

Well for starters, I am a lefty. As much as I don't think this makes me different, my patients (especially the older ones) at work always seem to disagree. They are fast to make a comment when they see me writing.

I am kinda goofy, sometimes slow to pick up anything that has to do with common sense, and really quirky. However, I blame the lack of common sense on the EXCESS of book smarts I have recieved since starting nursing school. HaHa.

For the most part, I am  like everyone else, except all of the things mentioned above, and because not one person is just like the next. How much NO FUN would that be?? And of course there are more differences, but if you read the blog enough then I am sure you can figure some of them out! Happy Wednesday!

Hopes + Dreams + Plans = Day 14.

HOPES: I hope God allows me a lot of babies.
DREAMS: Graduation, Traveling, Working, a Family
PLANS: GRADUATION, help my sister take care of the newest addition come april, and working, OH and getting my own place.

***if you want more of my hopes and dreams and plans, just check out my 5 year plan tab.