Good changes.

Some days I feel like I'm in over my head with this whole house thing. I saved for months but I don't think you can really prepare yourself for every expense if you're a first timer like me. Unless, of course, you have unlimited funds.... I do not. I wanted to buy a house because I needed to feel some sort of normalcy. Moving every year was getting old & I wanted to call somewhere home. I've always had a roof over my head but nowhere has felt like home since we moved from the house I grew up in. Now I have it and even still, I'm like what did I get myself into? I prayed daily throughout the whole process for God to stop it if it wasn't for me. Turns out, just the opposite happened. Long story short, one of the dogwood trees in my front yard came from a seedling transplant from a church I grew up going to (that is now closed). Although I hate so much needing the reassurance, because so much had changed, God  knew all along. He just saw my plans a little differently.

Oh I have a new job too. I loved working in CICU. I really never put much thought into anything different. My coworkers are like family, picking me up at my weakest moments. However, I prayed & God led me in a different direction. I asked that if He was going to close these doors I thought would be open for forever then I needed to know why & where He wanted me to be. The next day I was approached & I decided to run with it. I know most of us were approached for this job, but the timing was pretty spot on & I didn't want to miss this new opportunity. Fast forward a few weeks to this past week, & I officially started my new job in the cath lab. I'm still not sure why He led me in this direction but I know my nursing knowledge will expand so much. So often I hold onto what I know in fear of any change, but these new changes couldn't have come at a better time. 

Now, every morning I get to sit outside, do a little reading and hang with the pups before work. Each day I am reminded just how awesome our God really is. All the time. 

Today is the day

My mom said to set a date. Set a date to say today is the day. Today is the day that you won't look back. Everyone deserves time to grieve and be bitter and cry. Some a little longer than others, but if we make a habit out of it then we are just letting something control us that we have no control over. Now what good comes from that? Absolutely nothing. We have no control. We gave it all to God. He closed this door we thought we would have opened for forever because He has something grander in mind. I might still be impatiently waiting, but I'm sure the wait will be worth it. Is it fair, probably not. But life's not fair and that's a whole other blog entry in general. So today is my day. After today, I'm to leave my past exactly where it belongs and I'm to wake up every single day with a better mindset than the day before. Hard? Well that's an understatement. But if I keep living this woe is me life, then I'm giving all the power to someone who doesn't deserve it. Today I'm taking everything I have left and I'm leaving on a jet plane. I'm saying so long to that chapter and I'm starting a new one. Today I get to see my brother and sister in law and spend the next five days with my best friends in Texas. Of course I'll be back, but not back where everything went so wrong. I'll be back and then I'll be closing on my very own home and I'll get to start a new chapter... a chapter with blank pages with a fresh new book smell, that's a smell to love. Or maybe it's the smell of a brand new home. Either way, today is the day to never look back, because it only brings me down. Today is for me and I couldn't be more excited to see where it takes me. So long Alabama. I'll see ya soon.

On a positive note

I am getting really good at this signature thing. After two weeks of a standstill I am ONE month away from closing. Whoop Whoop. 

I'm moving too

If all goes as planned, I will be closing on my very own home the end of April. While I am so excited, and terribly anxious, I am definitely looking forward to decorating and making this place home for good. 

Of course, I've been pinning away and have so many ideas thanks to Pinterest! 

all images courtesy of pinterest. 

Times, they are a changin'

found here

If I had a million dollars

I would have pinterest home for sure.
I am on the house hunt once again, and it sure would be nice to live in a sweet little home like this. 
A girl can dream..

But hey...

12 for 2012.

A far far away land.

Almost a year ago I wrote this post about fairytales. I don't want to blog about the same thing twice, but when I have something to write about, I just write. Sorry if I am repeating myself, but the times are changing, so this post will be a little different.

See, I grew up watching fairytales, I stayed away from the scary ones, and if it didn't end with a happily ever after I probably didn't watch it twice. I did watch Silence of Lambs once when I was way too young, maybe that is my problem now. I check my backseat everytime I get in my car, lock the doors almost immediately, and I am constantly checking the mirrors. I don't really think that this is a bad thing, but most days I am more paranoid than the average person. This paranoia is another reason I don't like car washes. I most certainly think someone will jump out of all that mess and try and scare me. It will probably happen one day. I will let you know.

So back to the fairytales. I believe in them. I know they exist. I know that just like Cinderella said, "One shoe can change your life." Maybe, just maybe I obsess over it a little too much. Sometimes my head is so far up in the clouds that I forget there is a world called reality right here all around me. I think I would rather be in my fairytale. The endings are better. Everyone is always chipper, and your heart would never be broken. They all can sing too, and I can't sing. We all know OUR reality is not nearly as charming. It sure does hurt a lot worse. It really makes you question many of things, and it most definitely makes you take a good look inside yourself. I could blame many of people. I could point the finger at the past. I could even point the finger at today. In the end, I am to blame. I also know that I have given up many things, thinking or hoping that my fairytale was coming true. Was it worth it? We all say we wouldn't be where we are today if it weren't for those choices, but I often wonder who I would be if I would have made different ones. And really, I don't know if this is even the person I want to be right now. Maybe I would be the same person living a different fairytale, maybe I would be a better person, or maybe not? I know what if's are very dangerous, and only hurt in the end. However, lately it is the only way my brain has known how to work. Maybe I am still trying to get to know this person I am today to figure out if this is who and what and where I want to be. I don't think it should be this tough to figure out, but if it were all easy peasy then this reality would be pretty boring. I don't want a glass slipper, or someone to lose me to figure out that I am supposed to be with them, so they can come running back at the end of the movie and tell me that I am the one, and they made some big mistake. Nope. It all sounds fun, but I don't want any of that. I want my own fairytale. I don't want to let someone go to figure out if they are who I am supposed to be with, because frankly LOSING SOMEONE SUCKS. I want my fairytale, exactly how it is supposed to be. Don't we all? I know my fairytale is in the making. I know I will always be a dreamer, because I always have.

I don't mind it.

weheartit.com

And you know what?

The other character in this fairytale won't mind it either.

I'm dreaming of you...

Disney World...

it seems everyone has been this holiday season.

well everyone, except me.

via

via

 well, I did go 2 spring breaks ago.
and let me just say
I NEED TO GO BACK.
SOON.