A Stolen Life.

I almost forgot while I was at the beach I read two pretty heart wrenching stories.

Day One: A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard

This story was truly powerful, heartbreaking, and chilling. Not to mention, it is all real.  Every piece you read is an intimate detail of a life that was taken for 18 years. It is pretty unimaginable to think she survived to even tell her story. Here were some of my favorite quotes or passages...

Who knew a pine cone could mean so much in someone's life. For it to mean something as big as freedom just leaves me speechless. My eyes are tearing up just thinking of what that little girl was going through. 

"When I don't dare to think, I dare to dream."

"Love is the easy part, it's the living without the love you need that is hard."

It also shares some of her journal entries.

She would often list goals, or places she would someday like to visit.

To think of the simplicity of such dreams is hard to imagine.

At one point she even says she will never hate Phillip and Nancy (her kidnappers)

because she doesn't want that sort of bitterness in her life.

That takes one strong person.

And I think she beats the odd.

Of course, I think she has a long hard road in front of her, but her story is inspiring.

The guts it took to right and open up her life in that way is remarkable, and although sometimes you just want to jump in the story and scream, that was her life for 18 years and she had no other choice but to adapt and survive. I commend her. 

So go read. It is a must!

The girl in blue.

Where I work is color coordinated.

Huh?

That just means each department wears a specific color.

Nurses; navy and/or white, Nursing Assistants; grey, Respiratory Therapy; Brown, Pharmacy; Black,
Physical Therapy; Green.

See?

Actually, I don't mind it. I only have to buy a specific color so it lays off the time spents shopping for scrubs, which is a lot more time consuming than I imagined. Also, I like the color choices.

Oh, so I went from the grey scrubs to the navy and/or white scrubs OFFICIALLY on Wednesday.

I actually didn't expect to be as nervous as I was. I have been there almost 2 years so it isn't new territory. However, I did feel like it was the first day of high school all over again. Have I ever mentioned how much high school was not for me? Well if I haven't there you go. I guess I was just over thinking the first day, which is pretty typical, and it ended up being JUST FINE. We had a math test that morning, and learned all about policies throughout the day. I start working on the floor TOMORROW.

Im still studying for my nursing boards or the N-CLEX or that big test I have to pass in order to be a licensed Registered Nurse, and not just a temp.

eeeeeeeeeeekk.

Happy Thursday, soon to be Friday!

Throwing in the towel...

When is it time to throw in the towel?
When do you finally say, okay this is enough, I am finished?
When you walk away, never look back, and move on?

See, I think I am a pretty good giver of advice, but you know they always say, "it's easier said than done." So thank you to whoever said that, I suppose you just wanted to make life a little bit more difficult. So here I am, unable to follow through with my own advice, because I just don't know. It is that plain and simple. What to do? What to do? I have worked so hard for something, have recieved little in return, but some part of me can't throw in the towel. Why? Because life isn't that simple. Sure I am young, have tons of life to live, but I just don't know that for sure. I only have today. Shouldn't that make this all more simple? Why heck no. But more difficult? WELL YES. Because I am so scared of the unknown. Like, TERRIFIED.

I have no idea why. I could blame my past, my choices, my present, or anything for that matter. But there is no one to blame but myself. For not following through with what I believe, and losing myself, who I am deep down, in the process. Now that is pretty simple to follow. I have held on for so long that I can't remember why I chose that the first time. So when is time to throw in that towel? I still need an answer.

I think we are scared to make decisions because we don't know what our future holds. What if that was the best. What if we don't find anything like it ever again, and what if we lose it all? Now that, I am afraid of. That is something my heart just can't grasp, and that is why it is so hard to throw in this worn out towel.

The one thing I do know, is that I hate to question things. I just feel like if you question your decisions, then maybe they aren't the best ones for you. You should just know. Don't people just know? Or is that just in the movies? Surely not, surely when something is right, you just know. Whole heartedly its all you can think about, its the best decision, and it just feels best? Surely there are still those moments out there. I am a believer.

So is it time? I am not there yet. I can't ask who I need to ask for fear of losing it all, so I must only ask myself. I guess I am the only one who gets this all anyways. Its a constant, draining, push and pull kind of conflict, and I am all but ready to throw in the towel.

But at this point I think I might just lay it down, turn out the lights, and slowly walk away. I'm pretty worn out.

not in the mood...

but Roll Tide. I haven't been much in the mood to blog. Maybe it is called blogger's block, but I will work through it. HA. However, I did go to the game Saturday to see Alabama kick some Penn State booty. This sweet little one's mom goes to school with me. Check out to cute outfit and bow, all handmade!! RTR

one two three FOUR

I think being in school one week is plenty time to update everyone on 4th semester! But hey, do you know what that means? Everybody look to your right... You see it? Yes the countdown is counting away, the numbers are getting smaller as we sit here together. I could sit and watch this forever. But I would probably go crazy, even more crazy than I already am,
because that is for sure possible.

See I have been taking my life day by day, I dream about the future all the time, but quickly remind myself if I want to get there then I must focus on today. Because today, in this very moment, is all we have. Gah, I say that a lot. But it is beyond the truth. I also have been praying constantly. And I feel like when I don't, that mean ole devil sticks his nasty nose in my business. Really?? I don't have time for you, so long! Also, I am trying to work out, but right now that consists of playing tennis. I sweat profusely, my heart is pounding, so I think I can consider it a pretty good workout. Just have to keep it up! I laugh off the negativity, and take a deep breath before I say something I might regret. Right now, my priority is school, and I will figure the rest out may 11th. ***Yes jessica that is your birthday, but also the day after I graduate! I will probably still be crying tears of happiness for your big day! Okay, back to today! See, there I go, but I am back.

So, let's talk about 4th semester.
The one after the easy smeasy 3rd semester,
and the one right before the ever so anticipated,
don't stop until you drop,
5th semester.

We go to class one day a week.
Pros: hello, class once a week!
Cons: more time for me to do anything but school,
because the motivation is at an all time low. My first test is not for a whole month. I mean, seriously, what am I supposed to do? Not to mention, clinicals don't start until October. I know I have it made this semester, it is just a matter on staying on top of my game,
and not looking back.

On more nursing news, this morning we had a meet and greet breakfast with the newbies. You know, those new RN students, who are secretly shaking in their brand new back to school shoes, but really have NO idea what their lives are about to come to. Gear up for the change people, because it will hit you whether you are ready or not. So today we met them, and for once I was not the new fish. I was, I am an upper division nursing student. My advice: make note cards. Seriously, that is the key if you are a note card person. But secretly, I am so thankful that I have finally made it to the other side. I could cry I am so happy, but ill save the tears. Who knows what is heading my way.

TEST TWO

is over, done with, finished. That means 2 more and a final is all that's left for my 3rd semester....and FOURTH semester registration begins today. OMGee. When I saw that classes were open, I had a bit of a sinking feeling. I'm maybe a little superstitious so I am afraid if I register now, it is just a glutton for punishment. I mean, I haven't even passed this semester yet. So we will see, I might break down an do it. It might even give me a little more motivation. You know in all my years in college, this is the first semester for summer school except 1 online class many semesters ago. So I think summer school is beyond overrated, unless, they could hold class at the pool or at the beach. Maybe I will petition for that. But hey, I won't be in school next summer!!! Hello graduation! (Fingers crossed, prayers prayed) so maybe I will leave the petitioning up to the new and upcoming, don't know what they are getting themselves into, nursing students! Good luck boys and girls. If I could tell/give you a little advice, here it is: number 1. Please read the books. Some of the teachers aren't the best at translating to a level that you will understand, so read. 2. Study every chance you get, a little here and there. It is not just about memorization, it is about saving peoples' lives. 3. A 2 year program is no better or worse than a 4 year school. In the end we will all be nurses. 4. Keep your head up. 5. Pray hard.

Sure, we have people tell us what to expect, what to do and what not to do. But what actually happens is by far greater, more stressful, more emotional, and more time consuming than you could ever imagine. But you can do it, we can do it. So today starts another week closer to the end of this semester, I think I will relax, and catch up on life a little bit. Happy Monday.

Get it together Missy

I don't know if its because its summer time, or my overwhelming love for the sun, but my motivation for this summer is a far cry from what it is supposed to be. I just can't get in the mood to study. And I love my class, my teacher, our lectures, but studying is whole other story and I am just unmotivated. Our first test is less than a week away, and although I am on my study schedule, and following it like I am supposed to, its like pulling teeth to get started. I would so much rather lay out, without a horrible rectangle suntan line on my thighs from the 25 lb book, I would rather sleep late, watch my favorite afternoon shows. Have you ever seen wife swap? Gah, how I love that show. Its so much fun! I don't think I could ever allow those cameras in on my future family and life but some of the people that do are... hilarious. Who knew we had pirates roaming around this earth that started "talk like a pirate day" or the parents who make their children pay for their vacations...and these children are well under 5. I could and do watch that show all the stinkin time. Love it. Where was I, oh yeah, motivation! I have NONE, nada, zilch.... Except for knowing that in less than a year I will be graduated. I will or try to be my own big girl! I have some pretty awesome parents who don't allow me to hit the bottom too hard. Yes, I have worked since I was 16, pay for anything that I WANT, gas, and all the extras...but they have always taken care of me. They are my rocks and I wouldn't have made it this far without them. So in less than a year I get a huge responsibility. I become a person that I have always dreamed about. I know most adults in the real world often say they would love to be back in school. I'm sure I will have that yearning one day but for now I am yearning, cannot wait to be on my own. I know I will not be able to do it all by myself, but to not have to rely on everyone around me sure will be nice. And knowing all of this certainly has brought my dreams and wants back to a realistic level. My mercedes g wagon will have to wait and so will my annual trips to disney world. But to anyone who is reading, I would love love love a trip to disney for graduation!! How much fun would that be? I already have a minnie pin with her as a nurse! So my motivation for the days and weeks ahead of me is waiting on me and is less than a year away!! :) So I guess I will go study some more GI, you know, gastroinstestinal, and I will blog later.