The Sun is Rising

"Change is never easy. You fight to hold on & you fight to let go"

I've thrown myself into so many new changes lately searching for some sort of new normal that I forget exactly what I am searching for. I run daily to de-stress & stay in shape although I hate running. I left the most amazing job ever to work Monday - Friday even though I promised myself I'd never be a normal working girl and I own the cutest house on the block that I share with my pups, although I never imagined this journey alone. So halfway through my mental breakdown a couple of weeks ago I realized how badly I wanted my old normal back. A normal that made me happy, kept me semi stress free & promised me a future that I couldn't wait to start. It was a also a normal that was taken so abruptly I still forget that it even happened. I haven't forgotten it really, I live it daily. I just often wonder why it was all taken from me. We pray for God to make these changes and to steer us onto the path that He has chosen for us, but emotionally I feel like I'm in a tornado. My devotional tells me daily to have faith, and to never lose hope,  that everything happens in God's perfect timing. I'm just unsure where I fit into any of it. We wonder how long we have to walk blind in this storm until we find that ending we are searching for. As I sit here and write this my favorite song starts to play. I think it comes on at all the right times. 

"Whatever you're facing

If your heart is breaking

There's a promise for the ones who just hold on

Lift up your eyes and see

The sun is rising."

I doubt daily. I cry often but pray continuously. Somedays are better than others and somedays down right suck. The more I push myself into something new the more every ounce of the rest of me wants to fight it. I hate change but my old normal is long gone. I just have to remind myself that something grander is on it's way and I need to thank God for all the blessings that I do have. No matter how bad our days might be, tomorrow will come and the sun will rise again. 

Good changes.

Some days I feel like I'm in over my head with this whole house thing. I saved for months but I don't think you can really prepare yourself for every expense if you're a first timer like me. Unless, of course, you have unlimited funds.... I do not. I wanted to buy a house because I needed to feel some sort of normalcy. Moving every year was getting old & I wanted to call somewhere home. I've always had a roof over my head but nowhere has felt like home since we moved from the house I grew up in. Now I have it and even still, I'm like what did I get myself into? I prayed daily throughout the whole process for God to stop it if it wasn't for me. Turns out, just the opposite happened. Long story short, one of the dogwood trees in my front yard came from a seedling transplant from a church I grew up going to (that is now closed). Although I hate so much needing the reassurance, because so much had changed, God  knew all along. He just saw my plans a little differently.

Oh I have a new job too. I loved working in CICU. I really never put much thought into anything different. My coworkers are like family, picking me up at my weakest moments. However, I prayed & God led me in a different direction. I asked that if He was going to close these doors I thought would be open for forever then I needed to know why & where He wanted me to be. The next day I was approached & I decided to run with it. I know most of us were approached for this job, but the timing was pretty spot on & I didn't want to miss this new opportunity. Fast forward a few weeks to this past week, & I officially started my new job in the cath lab. I'm still not sure why He led me in this direction but I know my nursing knowledge will expand so much. So often I hold onto what I know in fear of any change, but these new changes couldn't have come at a better time. 

Now, every morning I get to sit outside, do a little reading and hang with the pups before work. Each day I am reminded just how awesome our God really is. All the time. 

That's how the saying goes

When one door closes, another one opens.

That's how the saying goes anyways. What happens when we lose the key...when the plans change, because they do without fair warning, where do even look to find it? We pray and we ask, we might even scream. Why in the world would You close that door? Because He knew I never would. I need an answer for everything. It's how I learn. It's how I move on, how I become a better nurse... It's just what I need. The fear of the unknown is a real thing. Especially for this girl. I'm a literal person. That grey area people tend to live in isn't for me. My brain rarely shuts off and too much could be left for confusion. That's a definite fault. I have those too. So when one door closes another door will open. It's only a matter of when and if you have enough faith to trust in His timing. See, a few days ago I asked...I said, God why would you close that door? Simple as that. My answer wasn't something I had been looking for. I decided to pursue it because I knew if that was a new door opening then I wouldn't turn my back on what God was trying to show me. Not this time. I have so many times before, maybe a lot of us have. Throughout this whole house buying thing, I've asked God if this is the path He was leading me down. I know that if it wasn't He would stop it at any point because there would be something so much better. Why I can't trust in His timing for other things, I'm not so sure...but I am learning. Right now, a new door has opened and I'm anxious and I'm excited to see where it might lead me. The hardest part in all of this is trusting Him everyday, not just on the good ones. Like I said, I have faults and I'm by no means perfect. Everyday is an inner struggle searching for those answers. But each day that I give it to God, I'm reminded that life will go on & I better be ready.

Letting it go.

God teaches us to give Him our burdens. We are told to let go and let God. I think it's easier said than done. We are also taught our whole lives to fight for what we believe in, stand up for what we feel in our heart to be the truth. This is where it gets tricky. Do we fight, or do we let it go? If we do let it go, how in the world do we even do that? That is something that I have been struggling with lately. Letting it go... not fighting and giving it all to God. Fighting for what you love when you're the only one fighting is a tough battle, a battle that will most likely not end in your favor. Maybe it doesn't end the way we have it planned because it's not in God's plans. His plans are far greater, although my patience level tends to steer towards doing it all myself. I've been following along with another blogger in her "I'm ok, 30 days to becoming content where you are." She has some wonderful advice and lots of scriptures that have helped in these trying times. 

She writes, "The truth is majority of the time we just want God to magically fix everything without having to endure the refining process... But, where is His glory revealed in that? First of all, we’re not worthy of that and second, I take comfort in knowing He disciplines those He loves. In the discipline we find ourselves curled up at His feet, feeding on His every truth."

Especially here lately I feel that I have had no answers and it's a constant battle that I'm not so sure I can withstand. God sees it totally different. One of my best friends sent me a quote, "When you are down to nothing, God is up to something." Everyday I cling to those words. Everyday I pray that today will be a new day for me to find comfort in His plans, because mine are no good anyways. I'm not alone in my fight because today I will give it to God to fight it for me.

Click on the link below to follow along with her. You won't be disappointed. 

Shell's Bells

Friday, I met our sweet Michele to pick up my race packet. This was my very first race, and I couldn't be more proud to honor such a special person.

A few people did the 5k run, but most of us did the fun run (1 mile walk). Overall, we had about 35 team members, ranging from 3 months to 76 years young! I think Reece Anne was the youngest runner there! Michele is an inspiration to us all, and I couldn't think of anywhere I would rather be than by her side during this journey. We love you so so much!!

Think Pink

Of course, most people know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. This year it means so much more, because one of our own has been battling breast cancer since being diagnosed last December. I am so thankful for one sweet co worker to let me swap days so I could join in on the Fun Run here in Birmingham. We can all do so much to help!

Just

Think

Pink

And...

 

If you would like you can donate to Michele's team here. Just click right below!

 

 Michele's team!

Times, they are a changin'

found here

Hair today, gone tomorrow

But not in a Nair kind of way.

I have never used Nair. I have super sensitive skin so can't even begin to imagine the kind of damage that would do to my already bothersome skin problems. But not nearly the damage chemotherapy does to those loved ones of ours fighting the battle. Cancer. It just isn't fair. Sure it is killing those cancer cells and ultimately healing the cancer, but does it have to take their hair too? Maybe that's just the price to pay. I can't speak for anyone in regards to this. I can't say at least it's not something else. Hair is a big deal. I complain about mine on a weekly daily basis, but I would be devastated without it. It is such a security blanket, and the thought of going without, well that should never cross our minds. I've spoken about this before. Right here. And I have said it is just hair, it should not define who we are, but it does let the world know that our battles are probably greater than theirs and it puts us in a much more vulnerable position. Not because we let it, but because everyone knows what it means, what it stands for. I can't say don't let it define you. I am grateful to have never had that weighing on my mind. But it does to millions of people every single day. It does to those closest to us. It does to one very special lady. We wish we could take those added burdens away, but we can't. However, we can pray with all we have and give it all to God, because one day it will come back just as beautiful as before. And that it will, because the battle might temporarily take our hair, but only for a moment. Most changes are scary changes. Big or small. Long or short. We just can't stop praying and we won't.

Bittersweet

We often pray for miracles, for God to perform these tasks that we humans are incapable of performing. We pray that His hands do the impossible. Because with Him, all things are possible. We wish for peace on earth, hunger to end, and for there to be a cure for cancer. These are wishes my God has granted for years and years. He has performed these miracles, and He will continue to do many more. However, it is also seen all too often that God's plans are greater than ours and His miracles are far better. We may not see a wife losing her life to cancer as a miracle, but I do think God sees it as one. He has just gained the most beautiful angel and she is no longer fighting the demon that is cancer. In His eyes, she won the battle. Just maybe not as we down here would like to believe. I guess that is just the selfishness in us all. In God's eyes He granted what we all prayed for. He took her cancer away and He set her free. It may take some many years to see it in such a way that God intends us to see it, but I am certain He will never leave our side as those struggle to find the answers. Cancer is an ugly battle and I can only hope and pray that one day there is a cure. God's miracles are never ending. Please keep the Davis family in your thoughts and prayers as they now begin a different journey. May God wrap His arms around them all.

Being Selfish Selfless

Last week was very much a learning experience.

It is not all about me.

Hopefully I speak for most when I say I am guilty of occasionally thinking it is. Last child syndrome, or just being a human in general?

Something doesn't go our way, and instead of thinking through every reason why, it instantly puts a chip on our shoulder. What? How does this happen to me? Everything bad only happens to me? Are you paying attention to me? See? It isn't pretty, but I am guilty.

I wear my emotions for the world to see. I sure wouldn't be blogging this if I didn't.  And that's where this problem lies. For example, work last week was trying in a way that most people who don't work in health care don't see often. Death looms over the hospital, because that's what happens when people are sick. There are many outcomes, sometimes death is one of them.

That may never come easy for me. So when we are expected to deal with it in such a timely manner and move throughout the day with a happy smile, the lines get blurry because our eyes are still pretty teary. There goes the emotions.

But it's not all about me. I didn't lose a family member, a brother, a sister, husband or wife. Someone's trials just got a little more tricky and someone's world became a little darker. I wonder how they feel? I know how I feel and I've only known them a day. I can't even begin to imagine your heartache. Well I could, but now isn't the time for me to dwell on my life, right now it isn't all about me.

We hear some extremely heart breaking news about a beautiful wife, and it's like really? The week couldn't have ended more terribly. How much more can one emotional heart on the sleeve wearer take? Considering I don't have those life decisions right in front me, hopefully a lot. It's not all about this girl.

I had a long talk with my mom because she recently lost a dear friend to cancer. My heart breaks for those who have to say good bye one last time not knowing whether or not their loved will wake up to see the next morning. I am so mad because how can I be so selfish? A family is holding on with all they have to make it to Christmas, so it is definitely not all about me.

Although I have struggles, others have far greater hurdles to jump over in the days and weeks and months to come.

Last week was definitely a learning one.
I am learning that being selfless is more beautiful than being selfish. And I will say my Daddy tops the list at number one Dads.

Talk about being selfless and stepping in without question. Thank you so much for everything last week. I know you read my "blooog" and I could never tell you enough what an awesome Dad you are. Thank you for being selfless, and for being my Daddy.

 www.caringbridge.org/visit/adrynedavis

Heart Therapy: I am

I have linked up with Ashley before for Heart Therapy. It is the weekly blog therapy. 

  

This week we are making an I am list...

I AM...

smart

funny

 courageous

brave

flawed

kind

a good aunt

encouraging

a hard worker

loyal

a good listener

caring

loving

beautiful

I think it is easier to make a list that might start with, I am not. 

Although I am normally rather sarcastic, making these types of lists are hard without feeling super narcissistic. Nonetheless, I think it is definitely good for the soul to pat yourself on the back every now and then. 

On the flip side, this week at work and outside have been rather draining. Hello, debbie downer. But no seriously, you would have thought yesterday was Friday the 13th at work. Nope, it was just a Tuesday. I will tell you that I walked out of that hospital a stronger person for what we all endured. 

Also there are some unspoken prayer requests that have been heavy on my heart. I just can't imagine going into the holiday wondering not how they are going to buy presents, but how they might buy groceries. Please keep all of those who aren't quite as fortunate in your thoughts and prayers. 

The weekend is fastly approaching, eeek.

 

Drumroll Please....

Today I had two more classes for work and orientation. However, I knew that I would be finding out about my boards (the big nursing test), so I put my sister on computer watch. You can imagine that my morning was filled with a lot of deep breathing, and trying not to check my phone every 2 minutes. When we take our boards, they tell us we have to wait at least 48 hours until we find out, but they do post whether or not our license is active the very next day (which is today), and that is also a way to see if you have passed. LONG STORY SHORT, I PASSED. I am an OFFICIAL REGISTERED NURSE. The hardest test of my life didn't quite kill me, it only made me stronger, and I am a working girl for good! See...

My temporary license is now Null and Void and my RN is active! I can't believe it either. There are actually not many words to describe the excitement. I could scream I am so happy, cry that I actually made it through alive, and sigh a huge sigh of relief that everything I have ever worked for has finally come true. I can finally start this new chapter without stressing over a test on Monday. Sure I will have other stressors, but I honestly can't tell you all how thankful I am that this journey is no more.

GOD IS SO GOOD.

Nursing Nonsense :: Week Seventeen

VIA

It hasn't sunk in just yet.
Maybe because I still feel like I'm waiting on that email that says, "just kidding."
Or maybe it's because this past week has been anything but normal.
No, normal isn't a word I would use to describe everything that has happened in a few short days.
Maybe it hasn't sunk in because the greatest terror of them all was killed just the other night. That is just another twist in this story Im still writing.
Maybe it's because one of the greatest tragedies occurred right here. Not right here, but in the towns I have always called home. People are still searching, still wondering, and still pinching themselves hoping to wake up from this nightmare.
So, no it hasn't sunk in. This week has been a little off.
What hasn't sunk in?
That because of this HORRIBLE tragedy our graduation was cancelled. Our finals DONE. We haven't even taken them yet. Done, finished, end of story.
Say what?
I am a nursing graduate?
Yes, you could still take the final if your average grade wasn't passing, but mine was. I was, I am exempt from the final.

I

Am

A

Nursing

Graduate.
I mean I've only been working towards this year for years.
And in a flash, my second hometown is in despair, and yet I stand here a graduate.
I'm happy. I'm ecstatic. But I would also give it all back to rewind last Wednesday. I can't. Believe me.

So I will be happy.
I will be FREAKING thrilled.
It will just take a few more days.
It is still sinking in.

Holy Moly.
And since we will not be having a graduation ceremony, I figured I could re-post this picture of me in my cap & gown. 

Future,
HERE I COME.

 VIA
PLEASE, PLEASE continue to pray for all of those affected by the tornado. They need it more than ever.

April 27, 2011

Have you ever seen the aftermath of a war zone? What happened here yesterday much worse. I feel beyond thankful that we were unharmed and untouched by the havoc the touched barely 100 yards away from my sister's house. Not everyone was as lucky. Actually, I know they weren't. I saw it with my own eyes. It took my breath away. And this was only one neighborhood. It happened in several others. Several people I know have lost everything. The college town I spent many days in is now a pile of ruble for someone to clean up. The shops I visited, the roads I drove on are all gone. In an instant, everything was taken. Like I said, I am very thankful to have had nothing damaged in that storm. Several HUNDRED were not so lucky. Several peoples lives were taken, and there are still people left to be found today. A good friend huddled in his bathtub while every wall in his apartment uprooted right beside him. He is thankful to still be here. Several other friends lost childhood homes. For them it wasn't just belongings that can eventually be replaced, it was their entire life. I don't know what that feels like. I don't want to even imagine that feeling. As my brother in law and I were walking the streets last night, I told him, we aren't taught this in nursing school. The chaos in the hospital is very much controlled. The chaos last night was far from it. There were people wandering around looking for anything they could find. We were just walking around in a state a shock. What happened in the south yesterday was very much a disaster. Please keep them all in your thoughts and prayers.

 The first picture is one of my good friend's jeep. The rest are from my sister's community.

Nursing Nonsense:: Week Ten

Hello and so long to week ten! This week has been rather exhausting, fun, anxiety-filled, and PRAISE worthy. Thank you all so so much for your sweet comments about our new little fella. He is doing much better, although we did have a minor set back on Thursday. However, it was not nearly what the doctors thought and baby Judson is doing so much better. My sister and brother in law have gotten to hold him twice now, and I know they are so thankful for that. He has so many wonderful people looking over him, praying for him, caring for him, and it is awesome to see all of it truly working. The NICU is very aware of NOT GIVING TIME FRAMES, which is okay in the long run, so we really do not know when he will be home. I know God is teaching us all patience because although Judson was ready to get here, he just isn't quite ready to go home. So we will wait. The days will go by very slow, I will tell everyone to give him a kiss from me (because I can't go back there), and I will continue to pray for his healing. Thank you all again so much.

on the flip side::

There was A LOT of nursing in week ten, but none of it really had to do with me in nursing school. Besides welcoming a new nephew, my week was spent playing with my favorite two year old who is a new big sister, catching up on some much needed sleep, hanging out with great friends, and enjoying what could be my last spring break, AND watching all of my favorite shows of course. I was so very happy my faves were safe on American Idol, Emily won the Bachelor, and a new season of one of my favorite shows airs in April! eeeeeekkk.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!!!

Happy Week TEN!!

Quick Baby Update

Judson is still in the NICU, his breathing is not nearly as fast but it is still too fast for a newborn. He is eating well, and all of his tests have came back great, but he still needs a little more time to get the fluid off of his lungs. His mommy and daddy are coming home today but not too far from him. Just say a little prayer for them because today will probably be a little tough. No one wants to leave their baby at the hospital, but God has this all under control. Judson is in great hands!









This bottom picture is Ryleigh on the left when she was still a newborn, and Judson is on the right.

Giving up, Getting out

Today starts Lent.
Today I have decided to give up FACEBOOK.
whomp whomp whomp.
In the past I have given up dr. pepper, fried food, etc.
However, I think I am on that social network
WAY
TOO
MUCH.
I think it has become toxic.
I might even have a few withdrawals
by the 40th day.
But if God can sacrifice
EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR ME,
then this is the absolute
LEAST that I can do for Him.
What are you giving up?

Chapter 37

I have my second test Monday. I am sitting here studying. I am highlighting, reading, making mental notes, re-reading, and getting pen marks all over my hand in the process. After all, I am a lefty, and everything smudges. This is the least of my worries. This is the last thing my over crowded brain is trying to sort through. I am always working my schedule around, well school. Working it around studying, planning to study, clinicals, the interview stream I still have yet schedule, must have practice tests, and one portfolio. So there isn't much working around anything. Right now, this is my schedule. This is my life for at least a few more months. Most days I have grown to accept the challenges, the sacrifices, the struggles. I have grown to take them in stride, one big step at a time. I have learned to accept them, and never regret them. I have learned that everything could be so much worse, so I have learned to be thankful.  However, we aren't taught exactly how to deal with all of this. We think we are, but we aren't. Maybe I am just speaking for me. Yes, I was taught we must work for what we need, it will not always be handed to us, and I was taught you may not always get what you want. I was taught to keep my head held high and to never give up. I was taught that I could do anything that I put my mind to, and I would always have the support right beside me. However, there isn't a class in elementary, middle, or high school that teaches us about heartache, suffering, and life in general. Those huge moments can only be taught by lessons learned, good or bad. I have had my share of all three. I know I have many more to learn. I am nervous, anxious, terrified, but excited. I hate the ideas that I often think of when I think about my future and how it hasn't fallen the way I had always dreamed. We want so bad for certain things to be right, when the whole time we forget to see how wrong it really is. We get lost in the comfortable. We get used to what has become of it all, and we lose what it actually should be. It should be right. We shouldn't have to justify, we should just know. I don't know. I know that somedays I wish I could be finished with school 2 months ago. However, that was never my option. I wanted it to be. I even wrote it in a few calendars, but it was never my plan. My plan is right now. My plan I am still trying to grasp. My plan I am still trying to decipher. And my plan I am still trying to carry out. So as I sit here and read this chapter in this book that I have read for the one millionth time (no exaggerations, we have used this same book for four semesters) I will continue to wonder, to dream, to cry, to pray. I will continue to sacrifice. I will continue on this journey. My journey. 

God is Good

ALL THE TIME.

here is an update on our sweet Aunt Lynn.

****Post radiation follow-up CT scan looks GREAT! 5cm mass reduced to 1cm, think its just scar tissue; neck is clear; lymph nodes in middle chest are all normal size. Taking 2 wks off from chemo to give bone marrow a break. She is having problems swallowing, seeing the surgeon to discuss. Please pray that she will be able to eat on her own soon. 

 PRAISE THE LORD! 

but mrsAdryne still needs our prayers. please continue to check out her caringbridge for all of the updates.  

Remember when?

 

Way back 21 weeks ago, 

I had a very special guest blogger.  

Here is the post, right here!!  

Did you see it? 

Well, I have asked her a few more questions,

and since she is now  

9 weeks away from the

big due date,

I felt it was the perfect time! 

1. How far along are you?

31 weeks on Sunday

2.  What are y'all having?

A little boy      --------------------->>>

3. Does he/she have a name?

Yes, but we are not telling anyone.  *** On a sidenote, SHE IS NOT KIDDING. We have ideas of the possibilities of the names, but we won't know his name until he is here. The suspense is killing us all. :) not really of course, we will love him no matter what.

4. Is this pregnancy different from the first? How?

Yes, everything is different. Different eating habits, extremely tired, and much bigger. (at least I think I am)

5. What does Ryleigh have to say about being a big sister?

Ryleigh is really excited about her "baby brother," she wants him out of my belly.

6. Are you ready for him to be here?

Yes we are ready for him to be here! Only 9 more weeks!!

*********also, the first ultrasound was Ryleigh's. The second one is baby brother's! I just can't wait until he is here. It is such a blessing, and we are all more than thankful. God is good.