Oh my my, how Pinteresting?

Have you checked out Pinterest? It is so lovely. Go now then link up! Happy Wednesday Y'all!!

I am loving this bed.

this outfit

this quote

these braids

and this hottie!

all images via Pinterest.com

closing the chapter.

I wrote a few months back about some questions that weighed heavily on my heart. Here is most of that entry...


When is it time to throw in the towel?
When do you finally say, okay this is enough, I am finished?
When you walk away, never look back, and move on?

See, I think I am a pretty good giver of advice, but you know they always say, "it's easier said than done." So thank you to whoever said that, I suppose you just wanted to make life a little bit more difficult. So here I am, unable to follow through with my own advice, because I just don't know. It is that plain and simple. What to do? What to do? I have worked so hard for something, have recieved little in return, but some part of me can't throw in the towel. Why? Because life isn't that simple. Sure I am young, have tons of life to live, but I just don't know that for sure. I only have today. Shouldn't that make this all more simple? Why heck no. But more difficult? WELL YES. Because I am so scared of the unknown. Like, TERRIFIED.

I have no idea why. I could blame my past, my choices, my present, or anything for that matter. But there is no one to blame but myself. For not following through with what I believe, and losing myself, who I am deep down, in the process. Now that is pretty simple to follow. I have held on for so long that I can't remember why I chose that the first time. So when is time to throw in that towel? I still need an answer.

I think we are scared to make decisions because we don't know what our future holds. What if that was the best. What if we don't find anything like it ever again, and what if we lose it all? Now that, I am afraid of. That is something my heart just can't grasp, and that is why it is so hard to throw in this worn out towel.

The one thing I do know, is that I hate to question things. I just feel like if you question your decisions, then maybe they aren't the best ones for you. You should just know. Don't people just know? Or is that just in the movies? Surely not, surely when something is right, you just know. Whole heartedly its all you can think about, its the best decision, and it just feels best? Surely there are still those moments out there. I am a believer.

Yesterday, I threw in the towel. It was time. Ill try and not let my emotions get the best of me, and WILL NOT blog about it over and over again. So right now I will give you this one post. It was the best decision for me right now. The best decision for me today. After all of the things that I have seen happen to people close to me in the recent weeks, today is what matters most. i say that a lot, but mean it deeply.

Just a friendly birthday wish list post...

today I went to urban outfitters to do a little browsing. sadly, nothing was purchased. but I sure did go all googly-eyed over the following. AND let me just tell you about my love of kitchen utensils. it isn't a problem yet, but I can see it posing a REAL problem in the near future.

I LOVE love this comforter...the ruffles are too cute.

any extra place to put my pictures is a MUST HAVE!

this precious little whale is a set of measuring cups... oh I know!

and the ice cream measuring spoons...I'll take these as well!

I am not singer but love the microphone tongs!

And last but not least, these bowls are my FAVORITE.

I'll take one of each.

this is all just innocent wishful thinking.

but I do have a birthday coming up.

no but really, I hope one day I can get all of this snazzy stuff.

it is too cute.

HAPPY HAPPY WEDNESDAY.

I passed my first test with a B.

ONE DOWN.

FOUR to go.

Nursing Nonsense:: Week Two

Well, this week has been anything but nonsense. It has been more CHAOTIC, to say the least. We didn't have school on Monday (Martin Luther King Jr Day), instead I worked. Tuesday was just a normal boring day, and all fury broke loose yesterday. In one day we managed to go from 0-60 in less than five minutes. In other words, we recieved our clinical and preceptorship schedules. My preceptor is on the PEDIATRIC floor at the local hospital. I AM STOKED. Let us not forget, it starts TOMORROW. So every other Thursday-Sunday (minus today) I will be precepting. Our classes are on Monday and Wednesday, and we have clinicals every Tuesday. My first one is in the TSICU (trauma surgical intensive care unit). Have you soaked all of this in yet? I haven't either. But I have a huge sore smile, because I can't wait. Sore, because yesterday I went to the dentist and had a root canal. OUCH is an understatement. Also, I must have won the lottery because I get all four wisdom teeth cut out next. I know, I know, I am pretty lucky gal. However, I am just grateful that this can all be fixed and managed, because there are so many things that aren't as fixable. Enough about the dentist, which by the way, is ABSOLUTELY terrifying. I now know how my poor little pup feels when I take her to the vet. She starts violently shaking, scratching, and crying for me to leave. That is EXACTLY how I felt walking into that office yesterday. HORRIBLE. I know that it can be worse, and it turns out, all the people/workers were ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL, FANTASTIC, SPECTACTULAR. I told them they have almost lessened my fear of going there. HA. Well, my second week into semester five is long from over.

HAPPY HAPPY THURSDAY!!

Today...

I took these sweet little girls on a grand walk...

poor Lu looks extra fluffy, she just got a bath. ;)

Today, I washed some clothes, and ran some much wanted errands.

Today, I only have FOUR DAYS left until I start 5th semester.

Today, I got to snooze a little bit longer.

BUT NONE OF THIS COMPARES to what my sweet aunt had today.

HER LAST RADIATION TREATMENT. ***until more tests are done.

GOD IS GOOD!!

It's my party life and Ill cry if I want to.

 image

I'm over driving 40+ miles back and forth almost every single day. I'm over this whole school thing. I'm just over it. For someone who despises driving as much as I do, it is rather ironic that I made the decision to move home, and make the long i-459 until it changes into i-59 drive way too many times. The drive is draining. Its long, and I can only sing and talk to myself for so very long, until the voices start talking back. Okay there aren't any voices, just mine, and I do talk to myself. On occasions of course. But to see the long road ahead of me in the distance, and never feeling any closer to my destination is rather disheartening. Its frightening to say the least. Its a lot like my journey through school as well. I was almost there, then a major road block derailed that. But we all know that story. I waited, sometimes not so patiently, refilled up the gas tank, and started on the long journey one final time. The journey for school, not the one to school. I still trek that journey a lot, and will continue to do so until may10,2011. I'm not going to all of sudden just love driving. I have never liked it, never will like it, and would just rather have a magic wand that taps me to my next destination. Problem solved, there is my million dollar idea. Too bad I don't have time for any extra ideas.

Okay I get I'm throwing myself a minor pity party, but once I vent, I shall be fine. And I know, why don't I just stay with friends down near school? Well I could, and I have. There is just something about the comfort of your own bed that makes the long drive a little bit worth it. I'm just a homebody. Always have been. Not that I'm not comfortable anywhere else. Its just I want to feel like I'm somewhere that feels like home. That warm, throw some fuzzy socks on, grab a blanket, and lounge on the couch, with no worries, no interruptions during my favorite tv shows, and no passing over into my personal space bubble kind of feeling. I'm sure you all know the feeling. But really, I can't wait to call my own place home. Ever since we have moved out of the house we grew up in, I've been quite the little nomad. That's okay, I don't mind. Let's set this record straight first: I am beyond grateful I have a roof over my head as some don't. I'm very grateful to have heat and a/c because some don't. I'm very thankful I have a nice and comfy bed with bright pink sheets, because some don't. And I'm very thankful for my parents who make the dreams a reality. All I'm saying is I want to feel like I'm at home, not at someone's house that ill move out of in the next year or two. Just saying, I'm looking forward to making a home for myself. I already have the warm fuzzy socks and all. So here is my pity party. But just so you know, I completely understand that how my life has turned out, and where I am at right this very minute was all based on the decisions I have made. I may never be okay with some of those decisions but I am slowly learning to deal with it like a big girl. I always say I can't wait to start my journey, but it has already began, a very long time ago. And it can be taken away very fast, as proven in another tragic accident in my home town. They need your prayers, and not my pity party. Because someone is always going through something a little bit harder than we are.

What makes me different = Day Fifteen.

The picture doesn't really say much... but I figured since the post was about me, I would give a picture of me.
So what makes me different you ask?

Well for starters, I am a lefty. As much as I don't think this makes me different, my patients (especially the older ones) at work always seem to disagree. They are fast to make a comment when they see me writing.

I am kinda goofy, sometimes slow to pick up anything that has to do with common sense, and really quirky. However, I blame the lack of common sense on the EXCESS of book smarts I have recieved since starting nursing school. HaHa.

For the most part, I am  like everyone else, except all of the things mentioned above, and because not one person is just like the next. How much NO FUN would that be?? And of course there are more differences, but if you read the blog enough then I am sure you can figure some of them out! Happy Wednesday!

Wednesday's Words.

I don't have too many words for the day. Some little princess didn't feel too well so I went and picked her up, and we are just taking it easy today. My sister and I both agreed she looks like a little cheerleader in this picture! Maybe one day! Happy Wednesday. PS... Ill give that answer to those clues soon!!

wednesday's WORDS

I don't have too much to say today. it has been a SUPER hectic day, especially at work. but, like always, I just have to step back and remember that these "patients" are family members too, and everyone needs somebody. On another note, I have a new favorite song. It's called "Sunshine" by Steve Azar. Here is a little piece of it. Happy Wednesday. (although it is almost over)

Baby, you're my sunshine, first light
Find your way to places that only know lies
Failed tries and bruised skies
With hardly time to hold on or be strong, now I'm strong
'Cos like the dawn you push it all away
I tell ya, you're my sunshine
Everybody needs a little sunshine
Your fingertips, a kiss to this tired face
It's like I'm young again
Well I feel beautiful
But most of all vulnerable since you broke in

Hello Wednesday!

Hello Wednesday. How are you. Sorry that I have been non-existent. School is overtaking my life, as usual. We had our first test monday....HARD. But I passed. I think that's all that matters, and I hope I now kind of have an idea of what the future tests will look like. Just hard and harder. But as long as I take it one day at a time, I know I will be okay. And as long as I know I can do this, I will do this. I will become a nurse.

I often talk about my dreams and future goals and aspirations. I love dreaming, I love wondering, I love trying to imagine what the future holds. But I forget to remember that we are never promised tomorrow, we don't know what God has for us in our future, and all we have is today. I am so blessed to have dreams and goals but I think it is time to take a step back and just have today. I don't think it will make nursing school any easier, but maybe more manageable. Of course, I still have all of the dreams I have talked about, but for now I think I will concentrate on the present. I will focus on the right now, what's right in front of me, and not get myself worked up over a future I don't even have control over.

Right before our test Monday, our teacher shared with us this poem. So here is my Wednesday words.


The Man who thinks He Can
If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win, but think you can't
It's almost a cinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost,
For out in the world we find
Success being with a fellow's will;
It's all in the state of mind.
If you think you're outclassed, you are:
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the one who thinks he can.

Wednesday writings

I think taylor swift and I have ESP . I can relate to almost every one of her songs. I know I know, I relate to EVERY sappy love long. Every girl does or has at one point. Or they should have. But even her happy, upbeat songs are excerpts from my life. I do have a few years on her but I can still relate. I feel like her songs were written for me. One in particular of course. Fifteen. I didn't date the football star (until senior year) instead he played baseball. My best friend wasn't a red-headed named Abigail. She had dirty blonde hair and we were like sisters. But the only difference, I don't know her anymore...and at the time I didn't know her as well as I thought. That's okay, and that is another story. A story that's locked up in the past. We forgive and let go. However, the more I listen to the song, the more I feel like it relates to when I was eighteen instead of fifteen. When I was eighteen, I went through some rocky times. I know her song is about being fifteen, and I even said I could relate, but in my head I changed up the words a bit. My life was all glittery and gold too when I was fifteen, just like the song. But at eighteen not so much. I won't go into a story. Ill let the lyrics speak for themselves. When this song first came out, I would sing my version of it to the same tune. It might not fit, but that is okay. So here is my wednesday's words. Here is my writing on a wednesday.

EIGHTEEN.

When you're 18

Your best friend says good bye

Because her world fell down

And we sat and wondered why.

Was it ever so hard

That you couldn't speak a truth

You took the easy way out

The easiest way for you.

When you're 18

You choose life over love

Because at the time it was right

And you chose to rise above

In a moment it all changed

Battle lines were crossed

Fists were raised

And loves were lost.

And when you're 18

Wrong gets even worse

A best friend found the love

And two people brewed a curse.

And when you're 18

It all comes crashing down

Someone's hiding the knife

And someone's on the ground.

Times will never be the same

Because it is just an old memory

It is a past of demons

When you're 18.

words on a Wednesday.

I am not going to lie. I went all day yesterday thinking it was Wednesday. I had every intention of posting my "Wednesay Words." I guess I am glad I didn't. This isn't a poem, no title, it is just what I had on my mind that day.

writings on a Wednesday.

Is that title too lame? I've thought and thought of a good title, and maybe that will change. For now, ill stick to Wednesday as my days of choice to share with you something that I have written. I don't want to start off the week with a downer of poem or end the week that way either. So I will go with Wednesday. Number one, my poems normally are pretty much downers. Like I said before, I find it a lot easier when I have something to write about or if I have had a bad day or something. The one I am going to share with you is not totally true. So please don't think I have written something that has personally happened. Read them more... figuratively. I wanted to write something about me and my girls and a night on the town. It took over from there. Its called I Danced

All the girls are here
My high heels waiting by the door
Here comes the music
And the drinks begin to pour

Oh here's to the night
Where everything felt right
I gave it all to the bottle
And danced away my life.

Standing in front of the mirror
With the flashing of the lights
Maybe ill wake up tomorrow
And everything will be just right

Oh here's to the night
Where everything felt right
I gave it all to the bottle
And danced away my life

Clothes are scattered everywhere
And the makeup covers the lies
But we are all ready now
Ready for the night

Oh here's to the night
Where everything felt right
I gave it all to the bottle
And danced away my life.

The music in the background
Blaring into the crowds
The lights are turning faster
Its all becoming way to loud

Oh here's to the night
Where everything felt right
I gave it all to the bottle
And danced away my life

All the rest is a blur
And I lay on the ground
Sirens are flashing forward
But I hear no sound

Oh here's to the night
Where everything felt right
I gave it all to the bottle
And danced away my life.

I woke up with no memories
Of what came from that day
I danced away my misery
I danced my life away