A far far away land.

Almost a year ago I wrote this post about fairytales. I don't want to blog about the same thing twice, but when I have something to write about, I just write. Sorry if I am repeating myself, but the times are changing, so this post will be a little different.

See, I grew up watching fairytales, I stayed away from the scary ones, and if it didn't end with a happily ever after I probably didn't watch it twice. I did watch Silence of Lambs once when I was way too young, maybe that is my problem now. I check my backseat everytime I get in my car, lock the doors almost immediately, and I am constantly checking the mirrors. I don't really think that this is a bad thing, but most days I am more paranoid than the average person. This paranoia is another reason I don't like car washes. I most certainly think someone will jump out of all that mess and try and scare me. It will probably happen one day. I will let you know.

So back to the fairytales. I believe in them. I know they exist. I know that just like Cinderella said, "One shoe can change your life." Maybe, just maybe I obsess over it a little too much. Sometimes my head is so far up in the clouds that I forget there is a world called reality right here all around me. I think I would rather be in my fairytale. The endings are better. Everyone is always chipper, and your heart would never be broken. They all can sing too, and I can't sing. We all know OUR reality is not nearly as charming. It sure does hurt a lot worse. It really makes you question many of things, and it most definitely makes you take a good look inside yourself. I could blame many of people. I could point the finger at the past. I could even point the finger at today. In the end, I am to blame. I also know that I have given up many things, thinking or hoping that my fairytale was coming true. Was it worth it? We all say we wouldn't be where we are today if it weren't for those choices, but I often wonder who I would be if I would have made different ones. And really, I don't know if this is even the person I want to be right now. Maybe I would be the same person living a different fairytale, maybe I would be a better person, or maybe not? I know what if's are very dangerous, and only hurt in the end. However, lately it is the only way my brain has known how to work. Maybe I am still trying to get to know this person I am today to figure out if this is who and what and where I want to be. I don't think it should be this tough to figure out, but if it were all easy peasy then this reality would be pretty boring. I don't want a glass slipper, or someone to lose me to figure out that I am supposed to be with them, so they can come running back at the end of the movie and tell me that I am the one, and they made some big mistake. Nope. It all sounds fun, but I don't want any of that. I want my own fairytale. I don't want to let someone go to figure out if they are who I am supposed to be with, because frankly LOSING SOMEONE SUCKS. I want my fairytale, exactly how it is supposed to be. Don't we all? I know my fairytale is in the making. I know I will always be a dreamer, because I always have.

I don't mind it.

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And you know what?

The other character in this fairytale won't mind it either.

Southern Belle

I guess we southerners hold all the stigmas... go to a 4 year college, join a sorority, graduate in 4 years from that college, get married, have cute little babies, inherit your parent's company, find your white picket fence in front of a lightly painted yellow house with a wrap around porch. In that exact order.

Well, I broke the stigma a while back. Maybe before I even started college. I didn't join a sorority, because I was told no, and realized it was one of the best no's I had ever heard. I still haven't graduated and we all know it has been way past 4 years. I have no company to inherit, or money for that matter. But that's only because I have spent it all in the past 5 years. Now of course, every girl dreams of their wedding day. I would more than likely would be bridezilla. Because I want what I want exactly when I want it. Third child syndrome?? Check. I love babies, and I want atleast 4 but I am sure I will settle with 2. You know, I just can't make that decision yet. And of course, the yellow house with a picket fence is certainly a dream I have stashed away somewhere.

However, I can only pray that God wants each of these things for me and my future. But until then, I can't ever question my choices, and if what I am doing is the best thing for me. I have big dreams, a big heart, and know that those dreams will be fulfilled first. I have a person in my life who has big dreams too, and that is something I can't continue to question either.  Because right now, we are happy, living our lives, and taking it day by day. I can't force something on someone if the importance isnt all that great, it just pushes them farther away. If God wants me to have babies 2 years from now or 10 years from now, that is His choice. I am just living this life in the meantime. I will figure the rest out as I mosey along.
 

an excerpt.

I often wonder about how things would have been so different if I would have said no that day. If I would have put my freshman college brain aside and just went with what I knew deep down to be the best thing ever.

Now I often wonder if I will ever find anything so lovely, so exhilarating, so refreshing. I hear the quote all the time, if you love something, let it go, if it is meant to be, it will come back to you. Or it says something like that.

Well it hasn't come back, because I made every mistake imaginable, crossed every line, said every hurtful thing, and dug a hole so deep that even my cries can't be heard from the bottom. So does that saying still go into effect? Maybe so. Or maybe not. Or just maybe I will never know. And that's what hurts the most.

We aren't in some chick flick movie, where we run to each other at the very end, everything is perfect, and you flash forward to our dream wedding. No it doesn't work like that in real life. People's emotion are real, more than real, and shouldn't be messed with. Not even close. So I will let that love go. And only wish for it amazing things. I will always wonder what could have been, although I stole that "get out of jail free card" along time ago.

But on the flip side. Maybe I let it go, because deep down I knew it was the best thing for me at that time. Maybe all those things were said and done and brought me to who I am today. And maybe, just maybe I made the right decision.

Because like the quote said, if it is meant to be it will be. So I will not continue to wonder what if. Because I made a decision, stuck by the decision, and continued to live life based on that decision.

One day I know I will find something more awesome, more refreshing, and better than great. I know that although people say fairytales aren't real, my fairytale will happen. Because I believe in them. Because I know it will happen. And I am ready.

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.- greys anatomy

Fairytales and Princless Lands

I'm a dreamer. I'm a believer. I'm a lover of all things imagination. Of all things fairytales. I wouldn't call it an obsession. I would just call it something I am very in tuned to about myself. I know I am 23 and maybe my time of being a princess has elapsed. I don't think it has. I don't think it ever will. I mean have you been to Disney World? I am not talking about a princess with Daddy's credit cards or always wanting more more more. I am actually talking about Cinderella. I am talking about Minnie Mouse. I consider her a princess even if Disney didn't trademark her as one. I often find myself drifting off into a land of another. Just my typical daydreams. I strongly believe in fairytales. Every girl should. Maybe not the whole knight in shining armour thing. Maybe he is a knight in khakis and a golf shirt. Maybe he doesn't save me from a real dragon, but the dragons and demons of life. And just maybe my knight has been with me all this time. Who knows. I don't think all fairytales play out like the movies. I mean, most of the movies are the same. There is this couple, somehow they break up or drift apart, and 15 minutes until the end, he or she comes rushing back in to save the day. Its a fairytale. But we don't typically find those in real life. I said not typically, every now and then someone is sure to break that mold. I love princesses. I love the idea of it. Maybe deep down I am a princess. Just not in a giant castle, big blue dress, pumpkin turned into carriage kind of way. For now, I have my hair tied back with a scarf and I am scrubbing the floors, singing with the birds, waiting for the knock on the door for someone to find the match to the missing glass slipper. ;)