There will come a day.

It'll be fun they said. You're living the dream they said. 

{picture is courtesy of The Single Woman}

When I chose this journey, or this journey came my way, I was so excited. Actually, I had a lot of emotions. "What in the world have I gotten myself into," was at the top of that list. Thankful, scared, anxious, emotional were among the others. Some travelers go in pairs and I started this journey by myself. Hopefully, towards the end of the year my best friend will start with me, but until then, I'm here in Texas with two pups who are so over our daily conversations. I think they think I have gone mad by this point. Ha. I sing to them, I have lengthy conversations with them, and sometimes I make them lay down for a treat more than once. You can't teach these bums anything. Aside from all of that, I have been able to explore Houston and all that it has to offer. That is a lot. A LOT. I could be here an entire year and still not see everything. What's funny though, is that the pictures I post are merely pictures. If you could take a picture of this brain, it would send a different message. I miss home, I often wonder why I have to do this alone, if I will be alone forever, what am I missing back home, etc. Needless to say, since I don't have a lot of humans to talk to, my brain stays in overdrive. I have a lot more time to think about my life. The past, the present and that future I worry about daily. I heard a song by Kristy Starling the other day. "Hold onto your faith, there will come a day." The song itself is called, "There will come a day." So much of what we hear is about trusting the Lord and letting Him work inside of us. I fight this. Don't most of us? We question, we dream, we seek answers about our future instead of solely trusting that God has it all figured out for us. Being patient isn't my specialty. I've blogged about that enough times to know that. I am learning everyday to wait patiently and to trust in God and to know that His plans are greater. Yesterday, I heard a sermon about God's work. He said, "You decide how you will work when you decide if you trust God to do His work." If we could simply trust in Him and make our relationship with Him number one then He would supply the rest. I think this could apply to everything, not just work. Yes, work is important and we need it to survive in this country. However, we are as happy as WE choose to be. He provides us with everything that we need, all we have to do is trust. And that future part, right now I am living in the present. I have to remind myself constantly to stop dreaming, to wait patiently and to trust. The next paycheck, the next boyfriend, the next car, the next location for work, it'll all be here before I know it and I'll have missed this beautiful present if I blink too fast. And like the quote says above, it will hurt, but God never leaves our side. So here's to trusting, because there will come a day. 

Table for one, please

I've been in Houston or Webster for two weeks now (Webster is right outside of Houston). Did you know that Houston is vastly becoming the THIRD LARGEST CITY in the US, if not already? We Birminghamians thought 280 was bad...it's nothing compared to the overpasses that literally put you on top of the world, 8 lane highways that are under construction daily to become bigger, the countless toll roads, and interstates straight through each town because it's the only thing large enough to accompany this insane traffic. I did manage to drive from work to Target and home the other day without Siri. She and I were both impressed. I guarantee you I did not trek out to Texas for the traffic. People often ask us travelers why we choose traveling. I know that I am traveling to see the country, to save money (pay off some bills) and for far greater reasons than people I'm only going to see for 13 weeks at a time would like to know. Those reasons I tend to keep to myself, unless I blog about them, of course.  So I'm here, in Texas, for the next 10 weeks (remember, I've been here for 2). For me, I knew that I was in a cycle that wasn't going to end anytime soon. I felt like I was solely relying on family, friends and exes to create my identity, and I was losing myself in the process. Everything was the same. The days, the bars, the dinners, the excuses. I've never wanted to settle, although I felt like I was back home. As a quickly approach my 30s, I knew I needed to learn more about myself and how to be okay with it just being me (and my pups too) Baseball games by myself, nights alone and dinners for one don't make me the lonely girl that people might portray that as. I want and need to take full advantage of the opportunities I have been given because I might not ever have these things again. So I'm traveling to become a better version of me. To really be okay with doing this adventure by myself and not just saying I'm okay. Maybe you call it running away or maybe not. Maybe my life was never supposed to stop in Alabama, maybe it was meant to take me all over the world because my heart needed closure it would never find standing still. My life has taken a different road and a different turn. Maybe, just maybe, I am running to exactly where I am supposed to be all along. 

Lu and I at Galveston Beach. 

My first Houston Astros' game

Clear Lake. 

An open letter

To my hospital on the hill {HOTH}, 

6 years ago I was as green as they come. I walked into your beige colored halls naive and scared for the very first time. In the months prior I had failed out of nursing school, my heart was broken, and you offered the freshest start. I thought picking out a weekend party outfit was the toughest decision I could've made thus far. Little did I know the journey that started all those years ago. HOTH, you showed me that my disdain for anything that comes from the human mouth makes me turn green with nausea and cleaning poop off the floor was far more normal than I ever thought it would be. You reassured me every time I clocked in for those 8 hour shifts I would probably miss my bathroom breaks, eat lunch in a record 15 minutes or under, and actually clock out way past 8 hours because we were short staffed and over populated that day.  I was merely a nursing assistant then. See, I heard a lot of complaining, probably even was a part of it some days but you, HOTH, couldn't get rid of me. I even made the totally rational decision to reapply, start, finish and graduate from nursing school. I didn't think my love for you could've grown, but once again you proved me wrong. As a nurse, the responsibilities bestowed on me only grew heavier and heavier. Not like my weight though, those 15 minute lunch breaks rarely occurred while my bladder should've won an Olympic gold medal for holding the most urine. It was way stronger than I ever tried to be. You often left us bitter and crying on our drives home having us wonder why in the world we were chosen for such a profession. I never understood our relationship HOTH, because you were happy to hand us one more sheet of paper to sign, date and initial without so much a dozen roses or a box of chocolates. You were rarely friendly and if you did get around to feed me, the food was sub par on your best days. Luckily for our relationship, I stuck it out. I endured your long hours, loud call light noises, and hotel like requests. Why you ask? Because I couldn't see myself with anyone else. You have taught me worlds beyond anything I could've learned doing something else. You held my hand, lifted me up, and always had my back against what was outside your still beige colored walls and freshly waxed floors that promptly get waxed every Tuesday (or is it Wednesday) morning. HOTH, you have wiped away the happy tears, hugged my neck during the sad ones and loved me despite the mistakes I've made. You allowed me to follow my dreams, transfer for a fresh start every time my outside world was falling apart, and fed me the bomb taco line the first Wednesday's of every month (now it's on Thursdays). You have allowed me to meet patients I will remember for the rest of my life, with stories I'll share for generations to come. You graciously took us in when the snow came and worked tirelessly to feed, house, and love all of us employees who were stranded. Despite my fear of being admitted to your in-patient psych unit one day from the reality of being a nurse, you have given me a life that I am forever grateful for. See, over the years I have learned that all hospitals probably aren't the most ideal places to work. Any story or letter on the Internet from a scorned nurse could tell you that. It's clear we don't pee, all hate the inventor of the call light, and hold our breath when the new residents try to take over our beloved patients. So I get it. I am team nurse every single day. But despite my lack of always having something nice to say about you HOTH, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Filling out those 3 extra sheets of paper and double or even triple charting just to appease you wasn't actually so bad. HOTH you were my rock and I can only pray my next endeavor is as fun as the last 6 years have been. I will miss our family, but I can't wait to embark on this new journey. I hope to see you again someday.

Sincerely,

the once PCA, 

4 year veteran,

still learning,

forever grateful,

med-surge,

intensive care,

cardiac nurse.

Living & Learning

You live and learn.

High school was a world wind of planning the Friday pep rallies, figuring out my weekend plans, and never studying, because high school was the easiest. The school part at least. If I could tell my 17 year old self one thing, it'd be to hang onto that friendship a little harder and worry about life a whole lot less. Fitting in will be a thing of the past in a few short years. Tell people how you feel, include them. Love life. 

You live and you learn they say. 

College is a blur of too many nights out, one too many broken relationships, bad decisions, not enough studying, and some of the best memories a girl could ever have. If I could tell that girl anything it would be let go, move on, because you aren't marrying that one either, study harder, and take absolutely nothing for granted. It will be over in a flash. Your life will change, friends will move away, and who you thought you would be with forever is a mere joke at this point. 

You really do live and learn.

Working as nurse isn't nearly what it's talked up to be. It's long days, countless heartbreaks and the stress of someone else's life weighing on your heart daily. It's new friendships, new relationships, terrible consequences, and just a few more regrets. If I could tell that almost woman anything, it'd be don't do it. Ha. 

You live and you learn is what I've come to know.

If it weren't for that mishap in HS I wouldn't have met my most favorite college roommates. I wouldn't have had the most fun 4 next years ever and I sure wouldn't have failed out of nursing school only to still get to graduate with my best friend. 

If it weren't for those decisions I wouldn't have met someone new and started a job where I thought I'd stay forever. If it weren't for that wake up call March 21 that sent my world into another tail spin, I wouldn't have transferred for another fresh start and I wouldn't have the cutest house in my favorite town. I say all of that to say, I would've never made the decision to travel if my world played out as I had planned and you learn that if it were to have played out that way... You'd be miserable, or divorced or living a lie that you so desperately needed out of. 

I have lived and I have learned. 

I have learned that I am terrible at stress. I over analyze way too often. I worry way too much what everyone else thinks. I absolutely hate confrontation and having someone else mad at me could literally drive me mad. Usually at least. However, I have also learned that it's okay to feel these things as long as I keep it all in check. Stress is inevitable, but turning it down a few notches is absolutely necessary and needed in my case. Some days being grateful for this life is harder than I wish it to be but I am so thankful I'm not where I could be. I have this future that is so far up in the air that gives me the biggest smile. I get to travel the world, I get to meet new people, I get to create new experiences with people who aren't any bit concerned with a past that I try so often to forget. I am thankful I am living the life God has planned for me and He has the greatest things in store. I live, I learn and I have so much more to live and to learn. It's a new chapter that I look forward to writing about. 23 days until the big move. 

The White House updates

I know, I know. Updating this little white house while trying to start a new life path probably wasn't the most rational decision, but it couldn't have turned out better. The color is the same we used in the den. What started out as mustard yellow is now Gray Screen by Sherman Williams, two coats did the trick. For everything else, my roommate and I knocked that out one afternoon with a few quick stops to World Market and Target. So many people have helped and continue to help do that, so thank you. The roommate and I were pretty pleased with the results. No matter the state I end up working in, I love that I'll always get to call this place home. 

this last picture is the before. 

Officially official.

This past Monday my recruiter and I started sending in my files to different hospitals. In other words, I was applying to my future jobs! I'm impatient to say the least. I get frustrated. I want things to happen in an instant. I am a nurse by day, aunt to the 4 coolest kids under 7, dog mom to 2, but my patience just hasn't grown with any of these things. I learned a long time ago it was a virtue, not to pray for it because it will be tried in the most horrendous ways, and I will be the first to admit I struggle with it. So a few days after these submissions, I was over it. It was similar to the house buying process...my stepdad/relator said some people looked at hundreds of homes, I assured him that wouldn't be the case with me. My recruiter said it would happen, we just had to wait. My original plan was to head south to Florida. Plans change, and for the first time I was okay with that. Florida didn't have what I was I looking for. By Friday, I decided it wasn't a battle for me to worry about. Checking my phone for possible calls, and refreshing my emails from my recruiter was driving me crazy. I asked God to handle it and He did! My devotional for that day was pretty on point as well. I forget to read it some days but I'm so glad I made time for it this particular morning. I had not 1 but 2 different hospitals call, in the middle of a procedure of course. Usually, I would track someone down and return it immediately. 1. Our Friday was far too crazy for this and 2. I just prayed that God would handle it and hoped I had enough patience to wait until the end of the day. I say all of this to say whatever will be, will really be. God has a plan for us. If I were to have called right back then or in 4 hours, the outcome wasn't going to change. If these hospitals weren't for me I would be okay with that. I don't want to go anywhere just to go, I want to be excited for it. AND I AM EXCITED FOR IT. In a little over a month I'm heading to Texas. I'll be south of Houston. I am anxious, excited, but so grateful that I have this opportunity to travel around the country with my job. I think we are quick to laugh off people's dreams. I've committed the crime more times than I would like to admit. At this point I couldn't imagine sitting with my future family, telling them what I wish I would've done. I know I have almost settled for that life a few times now, but thankfully God stepped in and showed out. Even if we try and don't like it, at least we know we've tried. The countdown is officially on friends! My mom and I will be making the 9+ hour drive in a little over a month. 

A long post. A little update.

6 years ago, I started @ the hospital on the hill. I have a dear friend who works there and he made it clear that if I were to get a job, I better not screw it up. (There's actually the funniest story ever where he thought I had, turns out, they had the wrong Lindsey) So 6 years ago this past June, I started as a patient care assistant on a Medical Surgical floor. I worked part time while I was in nursing school. Let's be real, nursing isn't a glamorous job, nothing about it. I knew that starting as an assistant could only benefit my career and I couldn't respect my fellow nursing assistants any more. They go above and beyond with little incentives. I'm lucky enough to have to worked and trained with some great ones. Nursing school flew by, but not because it was so much fun, but because it was all a blur. You went to class, studied, slept, studied and went back to class. This all happened while trying to hold somewhat of a life together. Needless to say, nursing school won that battle. I probably flipped flash cards in my sleep at that point. We ran on fumes and RedBull. I remember taking the boards like it was yesterday. The hardest test ever. I tell people not to scare them, but to let them know that it is a pretty big deal. I am pretty sure I blacked out because after about 130 questions I blanked, my computer turned blue, or was it gray, and I was done. Everything I worked for, every tear, every RedBull, every flash card sat right there on a computer screen. It was gut wrenching. One day later I was able to add those two letters past my name and I couldn't be more thrilled. We worked our butts off to become RNs. The weight of the world was finally lifted. That's what we thought at least. In June 2011, I started my first nursing job on that same medical surgical floor. The weight grew heavier, more tears were shed, but the knowledge I gained is irreplaceable. I always knew Med Surge wasn't for me, but I suggest it for all new grads. Learning the basics, learning to multi task and learning time management will take you far in your nursing career. After a year on the med surge floor, I transferred to a Cardiac Intensive Care Unit. (CICU) I knew that I wanted to continue my learning and everyday was different, and everyday an adventure. I've seen miracles, I've seen tragedies, and I've seen one of my most favorite patients take their first bite of mashed potatoes after months of being on a ventilator (and I cried). Ive seen patients walk out that doctors have counted out and I have said goodbye to some dear patients whose families still reach out. To make that impact on a complete strangers life is one of the best feelings in the world. Not many understand that. I know that I learn everyday how not to take it all for granted and it really puts life into perspective. I made some forever friends working in CI. It will always be like home to me. I never thought I'd leave but one early mid life crisis later and I moved again. I needed an escape from the reality I couldn't escape from and work was the only way I could do that. Life doesn't go as planned, and that had been thrown straight in my face. My two years in CI was over and I was now a part of the Cath lab. For the first few months, I thought I had made the biggest mistake ever. It wasn't for me. I stuck it out, and over a year later I am so grateful that I did. I never thought I could love anything more than CI, turns out I do. It's a different type of nursing, but I would say it's one of the best jobs to have if you were looking. I'm partial though. We work a little closer with our fellow nurses, radiology/scrub techs and our doctors, it's one big dysfunctional family. They see us on our bad days and at our best because there's really no escaping them. No matter the mood though, they will cheer you up, and they will assure you daily that they have your back against the rest of the hospital. My cath lab crew is honestly some of the smartest people I have ever worked with and teach me daily how to be a better nurse. I'll miss them too though. See, after 6 years I think it's time to do a little something for me. I think it's time to follow a dream I've always talked about but never quite jumped on because something usually held me back. If I woke up tomorrow married with children, I'd have this constant linger of why I didn't take this giant leap. I have dreams, goals and I have plans that far exceed my little white house in the heart of Birmingham. I may hate it after a month and I may not, but at least I'll try. This fall I'm going to start travel nursing. I don't know what my future holds anymore, but traveling the country sounds like a good start. My first assignment will probably be Florida, then maybe California, maybe Tennessee and the list goes on and on. The opportunities are endless. For so long I've let what others think and do affect my choices and it's time to figure this life out on my own for a change. I'm scared, anxious and so excited for the possibilities. I'll keep my house, the pups will come with and I'll always call Alabama home. Now, is just the beginning!