Wednesday, January 26, 2011

A Heavy Heart.

"It's not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
it's what you leave behind you when you go..." -randy travis

Normally this song would be just another song, but now it has a whole new meaning. Sure I haven't gotten much sleep and I am running on fumes and we are only in the middle of week 3, but I am thankful. I'm loving this whole "I am a 5th semester nursing student thing." However, today my heart is heavy. I promise yall, I am not always a downer. (but since I treat my blog like my diary, this is what you get) It doesn't affect me per say, but it affects me personally because people's lives are rapidly changing. Not for the better either. If you only had 1 year to live your life, would you do something different? Would you seek out people you haven't seen in years? Would you tell someone that you loved them? Would you travel, pray harder, love deeper? Or do nothing at all? What if YOU were faced with such a decision? How would your life change? By no means do I live my life like this right now. I should, and sometimes I try. However, I often fail hard. I don't have the funds to travel wherever I want, and often put off saying what I really feel. I say, I'll just do it later. But our tomorrow is now today and we are still putting it off. If you only had 1 year to live, would you be okay with what you left behind? Some people actually have to face that decision. Could you face it? I don't think that I could, not right now anyways. BUT ALL WE HAVE IS RIGHT NOW.
I heard this song while driving the other day, and only a few of the lines stood out to me. I'll give you a quick background story of the situation, not the song. A sweet family friend, a teacher, a mother to 3 children under 16, a wife, a daughter, a sister, was diagnosed with t cell lymphoma that is very aggressive. So aggressive and rare that only 1 - 2% have been diagnosed with such cases, and so aggressive that she must immediately begin treatment and begin a journey no one should ever have to face. Now the song talks about a teacher, and how she "leaves her wisdom in the minds of lots of children, and did her best to give them all a better start." I am absolutely 100% sure she has done this, and so very much more. So hearing the song, I began to really listen to the words, really feel what the lyrics were telling me. When you leave this world, we only take ourselves, but we leave so much behind. Would you be proud of what you left? Would you be honored? Would you be satisfied? I only ask, because like I said earlier, I have never even asked myself these questions. I live my life like tomorrow will be here before I know it, so we will just put everything off until then. Or in my case, I have all of next week to study, I will just do it then.
Not everyone has next week.
Again, my heart has just been super heavy for her and her family, as well as, my aunt who has 2 chemo treatments left in this first round. It is hard for me to get any work done when my brain is all over the place, so I came here to sort it out.
I will continue to pray & ask that you do too.
If you would like, you can visit her caring bridge site right here. You can read her story, and see just how amazing she is. She doesn't question. She only thanks God for her time here. She really is an inspiration.


  1. I've been dealing with death a lot more than usual, lately. I completely understand what you're saying.. Thanks for posting. :)

  2. Great post girl! Not everyone has next so incredibly true. We easily forget that. :(

  3. I survived a massive heart attack when I was 29 yrs old that the Dr said I very seriously should have died from. But I didn't and I'm still here and I now live every day doing what I want and saying what I think and I don't ever take the next day for granted. ever.

    This is something that I had to learn the hard way. I'm glad you wrote about this.... it's not a way that most people live and we really ALL should be living this way.

  4. I just accidentally deleted your post on my blog when I went to hit publish.... damn iPhone! I'm sorry! But I wanted to say thank you.....


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