Tuesday, August 10, 2010

an excerpt.

I often wonder about how things would have been so different if I would have said no that day. If I would have put my freshman college brain aside and just went with what I knew deep down to be the best thing ever.

Now I often wonder if I will ever find anything so lovely, so exhilarating, so refreshing. I hear the quote all the time, if you love something, let it go, if it is meant to be, it will come back to you. Or it says something like that.

Well it hasn't come back, because I made every mistake imaginable, crossed every line, said every hurtful thing, and dug a hole so deep that even my cries can't be heard from the bottom. So does that saying still go into effect? Maybe so. Or maybe not. Or just maybe I will never know. And that's what hurts the most.

We aren't in some chick flick movie, where we run to each other at the very end, everything is perfect, and you flash forward to our dream wedding. No it doesn't work like that in real life. People's emotion are real, more than real, and shouldn't be messed with. Not even close. So I will let that love go. And only wish for it amazing things. I will always wonder what could have been, although I stole that "get out of jail free card" along time ago.

But on the flip side. Maybe I let it go, because deep down I knew it was the best thing for me at that time. Maybe all those things were said and done and brought me to who I am today. And maybe, just maybe I made the right decision.

Because like the quote said, if it is meant to be it will be. So I will not continue to wonder what if. Because I made a decision, stuck by the decision, and continued to live life based on that decision.

One day I know I will find something more awesome, more refreshing, and better than great. I know that although people say fairytales aren't real, my fairytale will happen. Because I believe in them. Because I know it will happen. And I am ready.

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