Sunday, August 1, 2010


Can I post the same blog twice? I posted just a few days ago about letting go and letting God. I used that lesson this week. Actually that lesson back fired. Sometimes I push too much. Sometimes I care too much. Sometimes I want too much. I can't help but wear those emotions. I smile too big, I cry way too hard, and I love way too deep. I give in, I take back, I hold on and can't let go. When does what we need become a want, when does what we want become too much, and when do we need to let go because what we want is not what we need? Gah, that makes no sense. I have what I want. But is it what I need? Maybe that makes it a little bit clearer. I am such a rambler. I over analyze everything. I think that's why I am in such an emotional tornado right this very moment. Because the wheels in my brain wont stop turning. I over think every step. Read in way too much then mess everything up along the way. Or that's how it feels atleast. Its because when you have worked so hard for everything that you want and have, you are so afraid of letting it all go. So you think, wonder, ponder, analyze, and try to remember and go over every situation, every detail. Oh, and push everyone away in the process. So when does the cycle end? When do we let go, and trust in ourselves, each other, in God? RIGHT NOW...
Because as mentioned in an earlier post everything
can be taken from us in an instant.
And that is no fun.
What else is no fun? Studying, studying everyday of my life. Living off of red bulls and monsters. Not sleeping at night, waking up with heart palpitations, heavy breathing, and an overt feeling of suffocation. And all for what? Oh yeah, that future of mine. That thing called a career. 3 tests, 2 weeks, unlimited cans of energy drinks, loss of vision due to all the excessive reading of the tiny little writing in a horribly, written for a doctor, book. Agh, the love of school. And the life you are trying to hold together outside of school. So I will make a toast,

Here's to keeping it together, only wanting what we need, slacking off on all of the energy drinks, and letting God take full control. Cheers.

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