i follow this blog. her name is lauren. you can find her blog @ busybeelauren. she has written a few blogs lately that have been absolutely beautiful, and a few blogs that i can very much relate to. i know i speak a lot about struggles, and overcoming those struggles, but so often i feel like i am alone in this great big world. i know there are so many people who believe depression, anxiety, etc, etc, are simple, uncomplicated, superficial expressions. feelings that can be overcome by "sucking it up." yeah, well that isn't always the case. life just isn't that simple. and i am not alone. there are so many people all over the world who are overcoming even greater battles. over the years, i have learned my anxiety is not quite on my side. i don't know when it happened, maybe when i failed out of nursing school, maybe its all the changes i have encountered this past year and a half, and maybe just maybe i can't handle all this stress by myself. im an over analyzer. im a stresser. and i have failure in the back of mind every. single. day. why? because at any point it could happen. at any point, i could lose my balance, and fall off this wagon. its right there, waiting for me to stumble. but everyday i make the conscious decision to think positive, to know that i will be okay, and to know that everything will work itself out. all i have to do is believe. but i just can't do it on my own. for a long time i tried. but there are so many people out there who want to help, who want to listen, and who totally believe in all the things they know you can do. and for that, i am so grateful.
recently, i was in my psych rotation of clinicals where i was at a local mental health facility. i for sure had my own views before even stepping in the building, but little did i know that was all going to change. not everyone is as lucky as you and me. not everyone can make the rational decision to get help, make a change, or realize that something is wrong. some people do not have that ability. as much as i wanted to shake sense into some of those people, their brains are wired totally different. they are unable to comprehend the severity in their actions, their thoughts, their emotions. but so often people lose the battle. and so often people are unable to reach out and find that hand that is waiting on them.
i tried for a very long time to hide the emotions, the hurt, the disappointments, but i could no longer fight through it all by myself. and i am beyond thankful that i have the support system behind me to make it over the mountain. and i still do. i just have to continue to remind myself that i am not alone & God will never put me through something that i can't handle. and for that, i am so thankful.