Wednesday, November 17, 2010

It's my party life and Ill cry if I want to.

I'm over driving 40+ miles back and forth almost every single day. I'm over this whole school thing. I'm just over it. For someone who despises driving as much as I do, it is rather ironic that I made the decision to move home, and make the long i-459 until it changes into i-59 drive way too many times. The drive is draining. Its long, and I can only sing and talk to myself for so very long, until the voices start talking back. Okay there aren't any voices, just mine, and I do talk to myself. On occasions of course. But to see the long road ahead of me in the distance, and never feeling any closer to my destination is rather disheartening. Its frightening to say the least. Its a lot like my journey through school as well. I was almost there, then a major road block derailed that. But we all know that story. I waited, sometimes not so patiently, refilled up the gas tank, and started on the long journey one final time. The journey for school, not the one to school. I still trek that journey a lot, and will continue to do so until may10,2011. I'm not going to all of sudden just love driving. I have never liked it, never will like it, and would just rather have a magic wand that taps me to my next destination. Problem solved, there is my million dollar idea. Too bad I don't have time for any extra ideas.

Okay I get I'm throwing myself a minor pity party, but once I vent, I shall be fine. And I know, why don't I just stay with friends down near school? Well I could, and I have. There is just something about the comfort of your own bed that makes the long drive a little bit worth it. I'm just a homebody. Always have been. Not that I'm not comfortable anywhere else. Its just I want to feel like I'm somewhere that feels like home. That warm, throw some fuzzy socks on, grab a blanket, and lounge on the couch, with no worries, no interruptions during my favorite tv shows, and no passing over into my personal space bubble kind of feeling. I'm sure you all know the feeling. But really, I can't wait to call my own place home. Ever since we have moved out of the house we grew up in, I've been quite the little nomad. That's okay, I don't mind. Let's set this record straight first: I am beyond grateful I have a roof over my head as some don't. I'm very grateful to have heat and a/c because some don't. I'm very thankful I have a nice and comfy bed with bright pink sheets, because some don't. And I'm very thankful for my parents who make the dreams a reality. All I'm saying is I want to feel like I'm at home, not at someone's house that ill move out of in the next year or two. Just saying, I'm looking forward to making a home for myself. I already have the warm fuzzy socks and all. So here is my pity party. But just so you know, I completely understand that how my life has turned out, and where I am at right this very minute was all based on the decisions I have made. I may never be okay with some of those decisions but I am slowly learning to deal with it like a big girl. I always say I can't wait to start my journey, but it has already began, a very long time ago. And it can be taken away very fast, as proven in another tragic accident in my home town. They need your prayers, and not my pity party. Because someone is always going through something a little bit harder than we are.

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