another night at work. Check.
However, unlike the past 3 days, we are slow. (i was trying to think of a cool thing to say,like slow as christmas or slow as a turtle or slow as ____, but i didn't want to use those.) So just know, that we are slow. No. No complaining from this end, however, the one night I didn't bring any books >> because I was sure I wouldn't be able to sit down, would be the one night I actually had time to do so. So instead, I think I will write. I haven't written in a while. Well, I take that back, I have a little, tee tiny bit and I shared a piece of it a couple of posts ago. However, I just haven't written like I used too. Maybe because I am still playing catch up from last week, 2 weeks ago, from a month ago. School has got me as crazy as always. So until I get caught up, my writing stays kinda on the back burner. Sorry for the disappointment. Ha. So today at work I am just pondering life, lessons, and ready to get home to my oh so comfy bed. (one in which has a new mattress cover, thanks babe!) Although, I am still in school.... I think I will get a countdown started... I am very much contempt/happy/blessed with everything/most things right now. Or so I think. I can't complain. I have a family who loves me, friends who accept me, and a boy who has stuck beside me. So life is good today. Life is good everyday, if I make it a good day. But there are some things that could be made better.... Here is a list of my to do's in the near future...
1. Eat better/work out/tone it up
2. Read my Bible/daily devotional
3. Make time for everyone
4. Take deep breaths
5. Take Lu to the park
6. Save some money!
7. Write more in my book
8. Study more,,because that is surely possible!
What are some of the things that you would do to make your life a little better, a little more positive? Are there any? I probably could go on and on with my list, but I will save everyone's time and just list these 8.
Ill fast forward 2 hours...
Work never got any busier, and that is okay. But God for sure wanted me to leave my stuff at home and just focus on me and my job. He constantly reminds me why I chose this field and why I pour my heart and soul into doing everything I can to fulfill these dreams. I know I talk about it often, but I think it is okay considering it takes up most of my life. See, I don't know if I am supposed/allowed to talk about work. I will leave out the names, room numbers, floors, sexes, diagnoses, etc. But I will tell you that while I am thankful to be in school, these people are thankful to just be alive. While I am scared about my test on monday, they are scared they might not live to see monday. No, not all of my patients are particularly fighting for their lives. But it is a real battle for some. And then there are my patients who just want a shoulder to cry on, a friend to talk to, and an ear to listen. I was that person tonight. I have done pretty good at forming this hard shell at work. Sometimes you have too, because it will get to you. I save all the tears for the stress of school, and believe me, that is plenty. But tonight the shell came down and I had to step back or out of some rooms before it really came falling down. One sweet little patient (I have had all week) was really talking tonight (a huge improvement) and just had the sweetest of the things to say. I always make a point to say goodbye to those who might not have family or just because I'm such a softy. So I was saying my goodbyes to this one in particular. And they asked for someting simple. Just a hug. I could do that. They told me they prayed for me and us (the other workers) every night, and I told them I would do the same. It is moments like that that break my not so hard shell. Life could be so simple, but we choose to complicate the mess out of it. I miss the simple. Just knowing what some of these people are going through is a battle in itself. I don't always get the full story, but tonight I got a full story. I went to say goodbye and I could hardly stand in the room. The patients do their best to show and prove to everyone that everything is fine, but inside they are dying, literally. And that's when it gets complicated. That's when I want to sit down, hold their hand, and tell them God is leading this vessel and He has control. But I need to remember that too for my life. I think, if I remember, this is only the 2nd time I have really just let my guard down for my job. And by guard down I mean letting the tears flow. I know when I really become a nurse the number will only grow. I don't think it will make me a bad nurse, just more adamant about being the absolute best nurse I can be. And I can't wait.
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